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pyrrhic felicity

June 16, 2020


I wish... 

for the man of my dreams.
to live happily with a loving partner
and yet to also feel the affection of a true community.
somewhere i feel i belong.
with people i know will not just serve
as a fleeting evanescent friendship.
unlike the friendships i know today.


my reality is a man i only used to yearn for.
our instant connection has waned
and the community around me feels artificial.
i do not belong here.
because this group stands around me
only as a result of my efforts.
it is no fault of theirs
that i am here.

And yet...

should it truly end between us.
this community will without a doubt melt away
leaving a yawning black hole in my heart
because the man who i'll call my ex
would drain all of their sympathies
leaving none for me.

And there...

lies my dilemma:
with the loss of the pain
would come the loss
of the fragment of life i have left
which may already just be
a figment of my imagination.
leaving my life in desuetude.

And therefore...

would that not be...
too pyrrhic of a victory to want?
to unburden myself of the one i do not desire
would catalyze the loss of all friendships.

If i were...

to toss this painful fantasy away...
what would await me
but an ephemeral moment of joy...
followed by
an eternal life of solitude.

And so i wish...

i could have a life of true felicity.

But i know...

this is far out of reach.


to reach this life of bliss
would require me...
a bittersweet victory...

a pyrrhic felicity.


See History
  • June 16, 2020 - 3:01am (Now Viewing)

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