Peer Review by ALangford (United Kingdom)

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Ineffable

By: Millie McIntyre


We don't know why the earth slow-dances with the sun

We don't know what silent song the symphony of stars is playing in the sky

We don't know where the rolling hills end

And we certainly don't agree on how to put our answers into words

 


Peer Review

The first line is particularly lovely, both as an image and as a concept. Its strength as a statement is combined with its eloquence to create a marvellous start.


I like the disjointed feel of this, sort of isolated - it's reminiscent of the theme itself, which essentially links to a mass of confused feelings which are difficult to voice.


Reviewer Comments

I like that the first two lines are linked through the medium of music and dance. This concept of the world's harmony is a nice one - you could try linking it again to your third line to continue this theme (maybe bring in percussive features for more depth, emphasised through plosives), and it might also work well with your conclusion line at the end, sort of like a comparison between inadequate human speech and the power of the world's music as a force, sort of like in Armitage's 'Harmonium'.
Brilliant work, though