MarSan

Mexico

Won't you tell us a story?

Avatar is by me.

/Inactive/
You can find me in Prose.

Message from Writer

They/Them

Too Much.

June 14, 2020

FREE WRITING

2
do you know how it happened?, 
it was during one restless night, they're a common occurrence now
every night, each dawn, 
i try to pull the home-grown thorns from outside my head
and they'll cling, because every part of me loves so deeply, 
holds so tightly. holds too much
even when it doesn't mean to. 

i wake up sweating, terrified, late. 
and i face myself time and time, and god i can't write it down.
i cant write nor speak, so i yell. 
all the blank pages, one unfinished after another,
not art block, but perhaps death. who died? who am i mourning? 
who am i always mourning when i haven't begun to live?

I sing "So long, Marianne" because I yearn for a laugh, 
at the fact that i need to live for so many but myself, 
that the last time I felt alive, was inside a pitch dark theater, 
at a singer's cry, frighteningly beautiful and so much. Too much. 

i do not fear who i am anymore, nor do i dare look at myself in the mirror
perhaps there's no one there. perhaps there is, 
and that's why i run from my reflection. 
so, do you know how it happened? 

how it all escaped. became a dream for restless eyes. 
for anxious hands, and decaying tongues. 
how it all warped, lost its meaning. 
when everything became memories, or supertition. 
it happened when it ended, but i didn't let go. 
Clung to so much, too much, nothing at all.

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  • June 14, 2020 - 4:09am (Now Viewing)

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1 Comment
  • outoftheblue

    i can't believe i just discovered their work (through Anha's piece)
    "I sing "So long, Marianne" because I yearn for a laugh,
    at the fact that i need to live for so many but myself,
    that the last time I felt alive, was inside a pitch dark theater,
    at a singer's cry, frighteningly beautiful and so much."
    these lines are just so beautiful, with the images that come to mind, aghh you're so talented!


    6 months ago