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Don’t let anyone dictate your words.

The Illusion Of Control | Chapter 8, The Argument

June 14, 2020


Chapter 8
The Argument

He had stormed into our sanctuary.
I was anxious to see him,
it had been a stressful day.
When he entered, I looked up, concerned.

“What all is the matter, my love?”

He fumed and stomped over to me,
lifting me by the shirt.
“You know damn well what’s the matter! 
You’re getting married? 
How could you? 
I thought you loved me.”

His eyes were red and puffy
as if he’d already been crying
for hours.

I grabbed his wrists
to try to calm him.
“I do love you-”

“Then why are you getting married?!”
Should I tell him of my status?
Does he already know?
Will it even help?
I’m not ready.

“It’s com-”

“I swear to god if you say ‘complicated’...”
He exhaled sharply through his nose.
His nails dug into my chest

“Well, it is!”
I shouted, indignantly.
My mind was racing.
I kept trying to think of ways
to not tell him the truth
and still get him to stay.

“Nothing is that complicated.”
He croaked, finally releasing me
from his tight grip.
He took a seat
and ran his hands through his hair.
He heaved a sigh,
looking up at me
with those eyes
those brilliant green eyes
filled with
despite all the others,

“Please, explain to me
why you’re getting married
to someone other than... 
I thought
we were gonna run away together
after I gathered up the money.
What about our plan?
What about all the things I shared with you?
All the promises?
All the secrets?
Did it all just mean
to you?
Was our time together

He held his head in his hands
and sobbed loudly,
his body raked and shook.
I couldn’t bear to look at it
so I reached out
to soothe him.
“No! That’s- That’s ridiculous, I love you-”

He flinched away from me
and snapped.
“Don’t touch me!”

My heart
like glass.

How could
the one I loved most
flinch away
from my touch?
How could he
look at me
with disgust
written on his face?


“Just- just leave.”
He pointed to the door
and didn’t even
lift his head
to look me in the eyes.

“I’m not gonna leave you-”

I don’t want you here!
I don’t want you!”

I jerked at his
harsh words.
The tears were falling
freely and steadily.
Nobody ever tells you
how wet and messy
everything gets
when two men cry.

“You don’t mean that.”

He finally looked up,
his perfect green eyes
were red.
He shook with anger.
“I sure as hell mean that!
I hate you.
I never wanna see you again.”

Oh, how it stung.
You never forget
that kind of pain.
That burning.
Like sandpaper
being rubbed
all over
your chest.

You never forget
what it does to you.

I couldn't breathe.
The walls
were closing in.
My vision 
turned focused
on one thing,
one person,
one man.
My man,
my lover,
my love,
the love of my life.
I would die for him,
I would kill for him.
I wanted to spend
the rest
of my life
with him.

I clutched my chest
like I'd been stabbed.

Like he tore into me
with his words
and his glances
and his 
And he
ripped out
my heart
into pieces.

I tried
one last time
to reach out
to explain
to fix this
to fix us.

“Please just- just go.”
He turned from me
and pointed behind him.

I exited through the trees, 
thinking he just needed some time
and space
to cool off.
I thought that
he’d be here the next day.
I thought that
we’d make up
- like we always do
because we loved each other -

and I’d explain everything
without telling him my real identity.

But when I came
to our sanctuary,
any lasting trace of my lover
was gone.

Gillian was gone.

may or may not have cried while writing this. don't worry y'all they totally make up... or do they??


See History
  • June 14, 2020 - 1:50am (Now Viewing)

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    sandpaper over my chest. afui;cbaevghatyfvhc bqC'NFLwc :'( <3

    3 months ago
  • Busssy.Beee

    IMMA GO JOIN THE CRYING GANG NOW. i never knew it could hit this harddddd. ahhh, i need more now!! moreeeee!! now if you would excuse me, i have to get my tissues....

    3 months ago
  • Jason_claire :)

    I'm with elliemccul; these parts are so needed, but they hurt so, so much. How you managed to do this, I have no idea. I appuald you for not only doing an amzing job and getting me to acually shead a tear reading somthing (because I'm chilly cold compared to my friends), but also because you just made me finally figure out what my greatest fear is.

    8 months ago
  • elliem

    "those brilliant green eyes
    filled with
    despite all the others,

    I'M NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING ACTUALLY WE'RE BOTH CRYING AND SO IS GILL AND SO IS HENRY IN FACT EVERYONE IS JUST CRYING my sister thinks im a weirdo bc i'm CRYING but henry does not DESERVE this and neither does GILLIAN and now they're SAD and I'm SAD and you're SAD and everyone's just CRYINGGGGG

    8 months ago