Peer Review by thamini585 (Malaysia)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


and they kissed in the silvery moonlight.

By: pineapples


FREE WRITING

and their dry lips touched for the very first time

he shivered in the cold sleet, his shirt tenting behind him as the icy wind harshly bit into the tender skin on his back.
small icicles were forming in his unkempt sandy yellow hair.
teeth chattering, the boy hunkered down into a ball as one particularly strong gust whipped a branch from a rain-drenched willow tree into his face. 
and he stared at the silver-white moon hanging in the cloudy night sky, illuminating the abandoned rusty play structure behind him. wishing. hoping for an angel to come save him.

chocolate brown and yellow-golden hair tangled in a windswept mess

he was alone in a dimly lit kitchen, tiptoeing out of bed for a walk in the rain. 
sitting next to the sliding glass door in the back of the house, hearing the persistent downpour of rain. 
watching the luminous full moon, half obscured by a dark billowy cloud. 
he reached up, slid open the door, and hesitantly took a step into the backyard, barefoot, and dressed in tattered old t-shirt.

reaching, gazing into each others' eyes. 

the hope of warmth, the hope of shelter, was gone.
chilled to the bone from the icy onslaught of pouring rain, he gave up. 
and he closed his tired eyes.
the wind swept dirt and branches and stones and mud across his face, mercilessly covering him.

they embraced, grateful and content

he saw a boy.
shivering and almost completely camouflaged in the muddy earth.
their eyes met
and the chemistry was instant.

and they fell in love

it was love at first sight. 
his savior.
his angel.

once more.

something about short stories just wants to be in lowercase. i cannot explain it. 
honestly, i'm really usually not a lowercase prose kind of person, but the vibe just felt right this time. i don't know why...

not quite sure what this is, but.... here ya go.

Peer Review

I found the emotions of the narrator to be very deep and moving. I am living in a very warm country, but my soul could feel the bitter coldness of the rain.


I would like to to gain a hint more into why he is in the rain, and why he needed saving. From my perspective, the italics seem to be a memory, he is recalling the warmth of that memory in his cold present.


Reviewer Comments

I really loved the imagery of this piece. There's something etheral about it, though I can't quite put my finger on it.