Peer Review by books4life (United States)

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reservoir girls

By: mia_:)

dawn over chain link fences /
we dip our toes in the cool water, breaking the mirror-like surface /
cupped hands, cracked nails, parched throats /
lap up standing water like it's our lifeline /
which it is /
shouts from the other side of our enclosure startle us /
precious water dribbles down the fronts of our grimy shirts /
stones and catcalls batter our faces and hearts /
smother us with your western fabrications /
stamp us flat in your cursed assembly line /
we have no choice but to lay quietly on the conveyor belt /
it's what you want, after all /
and you come, day after day, to claim what isn't yours /
but we can't keep it from you /
we damped your feet, silent, obedient as you jeer /
we watch as you dip goblets into our water, laughing as you drink /
you run our river dry, while we are forced to watch, withering and threatening to fade /
no matter, so long as your throat is quenched /

Message to Readers

don't know if this is obvious, but this is about people-pleasing. I tend to be a people pleaser myself and wanted to show it on an extreme level. Seriously, people, helping others is really important, but don't do that particular thing if it hurts you! <3

I'd love feedback on the formatting here :D

Peer Review

The POV works with this piece....making this interesting and enchanting. Well done! I love how you write from your perspective, it makes it more real in a way.

I would want to know just a bit more about how the person who is destroying it society? a certain person?

Reviewer Comments

I've never finished this review, so it took me a really long time to get this out to you; my apologies! This is really good! LOVE! :)