Peer Review by EdilMayHampsen (United States)

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reservoir girls

By: mia_:)

dawn over chain link fences /
we dip our toes in the cool water, breaking the mirror-like surface /
cupped hands, cracked nails, parched throats /
lap up standing water like it's our lifeline /
which it is /
shouts from the other side of our enclosure startle us /
precious water dribbles down the fronts of our grimy shirts /
stones and catcalls batter our faces and hearts /
smother us with your western fabrications /
stamp us flat in your cursed assembly line /
we have no choice but to lay quietly on the conveyor belt /
it's what you want, after all /
and you come, day after day, to claim what isn't yours /
but we can't keep it from you /
we damped your feet, silent, obedient as you jeer /
we watch as you dip goblets into our water, laughing as you drink /
you run our river dry, while we are forced to watch, withering and threatening to fade /
no matter, so long as your throat is quenched /

Message to Readers

don't know if this is obvious, but this is about people-pleasing. I tend to be a people pleaser myself and wanted to show it on an extreme level. Seriously, people, helping others is really important, but don't do that particular thing if it hurts you! <3

I'd love feedback on the formatting here :D

Peer Review

The fact that this is written as a collective shows that multiple people are being taken advantage of in the same system in a way that first or third person wouldn't show as well.

I would like to know more about the divide between the two groups, the abusers and the victims, how the line in drawn, how they go up against each other, etc.

Reviewer Comments

This reminds me of nymph stories from Greek mythology, how tree nymphs would die if their trees were cut down, river nymphs couldn't wander too far from their source, etc. The piece handles the prompt well, but I think there's plenty of room to get more specific on the struggles the reservoir girls face so that the reader can relate more to what they are going through.