rat in a hat

United States

i'm pretentious and annoying but i think that's okay, i own two lava lamps. i love spider-man, ABBA, anything muppet-related, bill and ted, and john everett millais' rendition of ophelia. i hate sitcom laugh tracks.

chaotic good

Message from Writer

love your friends and be as stupid as you can be <2

blasphemy (say it out loud, it is sweet and melts on your tongue)

June 11, 2020

FREE WRITING

8
first,
i am in your cathedral.
knees bruised stained and damp, 
freshly cut grass
dried blood
dandelions
dew
i carry the scent of strawberries and dirt, and even that is a sin
to be godlike is to smell like nothing at all

second,
i kneel under your stained glass windows.
the sun streams through and i am enveloped in light
and my eyes shine with every color,
every single one
for you i will be a prism
i will give up loving
if you will let me love you only

third,
i press your hands to my temples
i press your hands to my lips
my fingers burn white-hot but i have never been more alive
i know the secrets of the universe
i know your thoughts, your inner workings,
and they welcome me
they accept me

fourth,
i sleep under your stars
your celestial body
in the moss and weeds of a graveyard
on top of decayed bodies untouched by your love
they were never graced with your undeserved kindness
your gentle caresses
and that is the only reason they were so unlucky
corpses, grey and soggy
i am above them; i will not become them.
i promise myself this.
i repeat it until it is true.

i dream, i admit it,
a cheap sinner's folly
but i dream of your name
and i repent.

you will forgive me, you will forgive me, you will forgive me,
but you will be the only one.

now,
i have shut myself inside your cathedral
i have barred and boarded your stained glass windows and i have padlocked your ornate doors
there is a mob outside
sinners who did not repent
sinners who did not repent, like i have,
and they are pounding, hammering, banging, demanding,
and they are demanding for me

now, 
blood, my blood, seeps into every corner
covering your shining marble floors
i drag my body to your confessional cabinet
i am hiding, yes, but that does not make me a coward.
that does not make me a coward, i am sure.

now,
i have been set ablaze
i am on fire but it is not a flame i recognize
it does not burn like your righteous flame
it is ragged and unruly and it fills my lungs and this cabinet with smoke

of course.
the sinners burst through the doors a while ago
torches in hand
and i remember this too late.

if it is my fate,
no —
if it is your will
that i die tonight, a raging inferno
if it is your will that this cathedral burns to the ground
then i will.
a martyr in your name
reduced to ashes and dust, the dust you formed me from
not like the rest of the sinners who will rip at their flesh and gnash their teeth
when you finally receive your glory
when fire, your righteous fire,
rains from the heavens and purges the wicked from this world
when the earth is reborn, a phoenix rising from its corpse,
not like them
i am not like them.
after all, i am holy.

i am holy.

i am holy,

aren't i?

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  • June 11, 2020 - 12:00pm (Now Viewing)

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4 Comments
  • Anha

    june 2020 wtw highlights are live, and you're in them!
    https://bit.ly/31QLd2l


    5 months ago
  • asta

    to echo sunny: your style is so unique, and i absolutely adore it!

    "you will forgive me, you will forgive me, you will forgive me,
    but you will be the only one. "--that absolutely decimated me, luv


    5 months ago
  • sunny.v

    wow. simply: wow. the religious imagery in this is just stunning! you have such a unique writing style that i can’t help but adore, and your words are chosen so delicately. you weave such a nice tone in this piece. “ i am not like them. / after all, i am holy. / aren’t I?” that killed me. stunning work.


    5 months ago
  • BurningMidnightOil

    well, shit. This is so beautifully crafted; the metaphors and imagery are superb. The syntax is smooth as is the rhythm. I truly enjoyed this read. I’m quite glad that I stumbled upon this gem. Keep up the excellent work!


    6 months ago