sunny.v

United States

she/her | asian
wtw community’s official older sister
running off into the sunset with circe
est. april 27, 2020

swordwielding protector of all minority groups
satire sorceress, lady knight

she clasps peonies, allure, & love

Message to Readers

this was a super experimental piece but you know what!! my mama raised an absolute buffoon, not a quitter!!

manila memoirs

June 11, 2020

FREE WRITING

22

you eat dinner under a low yellow light and you think you like the color yellow except     
    you don’t really think it likes you back but there’s
not a lot of other colors that you think you fit into and that’s the tag line of your 
    life, spit and swallow back “alien”, little dark girl, your eyes look funny
there’s a dragon in you, probably, indefinitely, but you don’t think it really likes you all     
    that much since you’ve never really looked good in yellow but again you’re just
a second generation imposter, mỹ trắng, walk a tightrope between two worlds
    
when you’re five you ask your daddy what the vietnamese tattoos on his forearm mean
    papa smiles and papa tells you that he got them because
he loved you so much he wanted the ink to show it but
    papa doesn’t tell you, mama does, ten years later, that they’re from when your papa first came to america with nothing but a dirty name
    in dirty clothes in a dirty slum of california
and papa didn’t have anything to lose and papa was just trying to live
    and papa got the tattoo to prove to the gangs that he had nothing else but skin to give

mama had nothing but an english dictionary and mama wasn’t home at high school
    and mama couldn’t understand the textbooks cause mama couldn’t read and
you like books, actually, you like them a whole lot, and you think of two families at war
    and you think of shakespeare and star-crossed and you like shakespeare quite a bit, except shakespeare never cared for dark-skinned, little yellow girls like you

your mama and papa made a new home in north america and they were denied it
    at first, but at least they knew they weren’t welcome, out of place
and you’re the daughter in the middle, you’re just the faker, you’re just a lost and  
       found
no one told you that wouldn’t fit in to any culture, you had to taste that yourself

    turns out, the color yellow spits on you, and you think it’s confused
-mỹ trắng = “white” (as in the skin) but my mum uses it interchangeably as “american”
-another piece about feeling out of place with my heritage! i often feel a sort of imposter syndrome/like i walk a line between two worlds where i’m not fully part of either of them
-i tried a slightly different format/style so i hope it came out alright :’) [nervous breakdancing ensues]

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12 Comments
  • Dmoral

    the imagery in your opening line set the tone, scene, AND mood wonderfully-quite genius actually. and then ending that line with "except" felt like half a thought with a long pause, building tension-genius, again.

    okay, the second big section - the one where it talks about your origins almost - seemed so personal i don't even want to quite talk about it. so i'll just touch upon it - it was like reading through the lens of youth and learning a truth about you and it was brilliant and written so simplistically but raw, i just loved it.

    the way you repeat "mama" had my heart and the mention of "shakespeare" like that, made me rethink him - which i do quite a lot honestly, he's on my mind all the time, smh - and reminds me of his time period and yeah. he wouldn't have cared for me either, so ;)

    "no one told you that wouldn’t fit in to any culture, you had to taste that yourself"
    this line was my favourite because i completely understood it (and can even relate!). the display of pain and strong emotional through this bitter(ish) reflective tone was done wonderfully. that being said, i do hate the fact that this is true, feeling like you don't quite belong.

    wise words from big sister: this only makes you stronger. i won't lie and see it gets easier, 'cause i don't know if it really does. i'm a multiracial light skin (just look up light skin and you'll see) and "black" AND "white" people like to throw me between 'em like a ball. so i cannot completely understand or relate to what you're going through, but i can comprehend the pain and difficulty. so just stick with your culture from both sides of your family, be proud of who you are regardless. and when people from a certain culture "spit" on you, don't let them make you second guess yourself. 'cause true cultural pride, isn't letting others (even in that culture) break you down.


    3 months ago
  • purplepanache

    replying: what really? ill go check it out. thanks pal!


    4 months ago
  • løne wølf

    This is so beautiful, so amazing. You're amazing. <3


    5 months ago
  • asta

    "nothing else but skin to give"--i'm CRYING this is so good


    5 months ago
  • queenie hawthorne is garfield

    reply to your comment on my last piece: Ana is an original character in a fanfic series I'm writing called "The Thousands of Trails We'll Blaze". It's pretty much just a continuation of the DreamWorks film "The Road to El Dorado." So yee. Also, I'm totally reviewing this piece. It's awesome.


    5 months ago
  • mia_:)

    I came back to reread and hear everyone rave about this piece! Love it love it love it! *eats large donut because words cannot describe how much i love it* [happy breakdancing ensues] you killed this format, girl! You ate it! You slayed it! You . . yeah I'll stop now :P :) <3<3<3


    5 months ago
  • Emi

    I love this glimpse into your story; I really think you could actually write a book on this, if you wanted! It would make an amazing memoir with an important message.


    5 months ago
  • outoftheblue

    i love this style, you've really effectively captured the essence of a child's thoughts and feelings here. definitely try writing more in this style, this suits you a TON.


    5 months ago
  • books4life

    WOW!!!! Just....wow. This is amazing SUNNY! I've always been a big fan of your work and your "sword wielding protector of all minority groups" powers which I applaud and try to do the same. But, your piece, it was personal, heart-gripping, and thought provoking. *claps for a really long time then realizes your dog is staring at you like your insane, so you stop* IT'S REALLY AMAZING! Great work :)


    5 months ago
  • mia_:)

    This is so emotional and raw and beautiful! I love how personal it is! And the descriptions! SUNNY! HOW DARE YOU WRITE SOMETHING SO GOOD? <3<3


    5 months ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    reading the footnotes and you conveyed the sense of 'walking the middle' stunningly! the way you sprinkled in anecdotes about your parents too... it really gave the piece a whole new layer. the way you use yellow too... this really hit a new spot i never know i had. <3


    5 months ago
  • purplepanache

    shit, this is terrifyingly painful. youve invoked so many vivid images in my head and im thoroughly in love with how you grapple subjects like these. 'he had nothing else but skin to give' im simply swept.


    5 months ago