Peer Review by Alina Lee (United States)

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sinful serendipity

By: løne wølf


FREE WRITING

love is
amazing
warm
passionate
hungry
fake
overrated
a lie

humans are
different
powerful
beautiful
corrupt
destructive
selfish
doomed

why are we
so stupid
so blind
so egotistical
so sadistic
so angry
so chaotic
so sad?

lowercase intentional

Message to Readers

my wounds have scabbed over; but i'll carry these scars with me for the rest of my life.


Peer Review

It flows really well, the words melt together and go smoothly, the transition between positive things and negativity go along smoothly, and it's like you try to name the good things but in the end it all just falls apart and shadows take over.


Perhaps you could make the last part, the "why are we" run smoother? Some words sort of disrupt the flow for me, like the word "egotistical". Perhaps change a few words here and there or change that word? But I think the word "egotistical" is really advanced and ~fanci~ so you do you :)


Reviewer Comments

Wow, that vocabulary is something to be envied my your truly :P The title is so.... ok, I don't know what it means but it sounds really professional ;) This is a really great poem (is it a poem? I think so, right?) and I really like it and how you structured it :)