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she/her | asian
wtw community’s official older sister
running off into the sunset with circe
est. april 27, 2020

swordwielding protector of all minority groups
resident lady knight

she clasps peonies, allure, & love

Message to Readers

this is ONLY my personal turmoil. which ever beliefs you hold, this is NOT me speaking to you—this is just me venting out a tough journey with myself. <3

your judge, jury, executioner

June 10, 2020



when you are four years old, you are on the path to the executioner

he comes in the form of a guest pastor on chapel day, every thursday, the inevitable
you sit next to your teacher in the church pews and bare your neck to a gospel guillotine
hymns are sung on routine; you can’t help but fidget in some tattered clothes they gave you from the lost and found

(the story goes: your mom’s recovering from her chemotherapy and radiation, she forgot to give you your uniform,
you came in a bright shirt instead of a plain cardigan, and
good little girls never want eyes on them, so why don’t you change into this, dearest?)

you go home, open up your scripture, and look for verses that tell you to love yourself

your best friend never really leaves that school

you let her words fester in your mind like an old sore, but you are nothing like David, and this is another Goliath
thou shalt not envy what is not yours, so
she sees how you look at those other girls, and honey, you’re just a bit disillusioned
but love thy enemy, child, turn the other cheek,
so you forgive and forget

you feel as if you should be burned at the stake

in the spring break of seventh grade, you have a panic attack, but isn’t hope a fruit of the Spirit?
you wonder if losing faith in yourself makes you a heretic
salvation is a reprieve dangled in front of your lips
the forbidden fruit comes in the form of isolation, cast out of all that is holy

now you are fifteen, and you are fallen from grace
you bow your head and pray for an answer, anyways
-hi Alex i’ll take “we’re going to pretend that sunny didn’t go through several dark moments of her life in this piece” for $500 please. (jeopardy...i almost like that show.)
-i’ve had a lot of turmoil, lately, since the past always seems to catch up to you. i have a complicated relationship with religious institutions, so this is a vent—a personal retelling of all that bounces around in my brain like those iceballs at the arcade. i’m Christian, and there’s...there’s some baggage that comes with that fact for me, hence this piece.
-this is in no way a criticism or an advocacy for or against any religion. this is just a personal journey of mine put on blast. it’s a me problem, so to speak. *blows kisses*


See History
  • June 10, 2020 - 12:41am (Now Viewing)

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  • books4life

    GREAT WORK! :)

    7 months ago
  • Wicked!

    This is so well-written. I especially love "bare your neck to a gospel guillotine" — the comparison of gospel to guillotine is so freaking brilliant. "now you are fifteen, and you are fallen from grace / you bow your head and pray for an answer, anyways" is absolutely amazing, and ends the piece on an amazing and satisfying note. Great work :)

    8 months ago
  • delete

    Sunny, this is absolutely OUTSTANDING! I love the imagery you use of judgment, trial then execution, especially because religions like Christianity always focus on judgement after you die. I like how with the judge, the jury and the executioner, you represent a dying faith and how some believe it’s criminal if you question or don’t believe in God as much as them. I think being a Christian is really about being nice to other people and doing Jesus’ work on earth like Jesus himself did. Personally, I’m not religious but I commend people that are religious and do lots of good in the work such as yourself Sunny for being kind to everyone on this site.

    8 months ago
  • MazeRunnerGirl

    beautiful imagery <3

    8 months ago
  • inanutshell

    i've no experiences with religion but just wanna say i feel for you, and hope your journey with religion gets better somehow, no matter how it turns out. love the last part, especially 'salvation is a reprieve dangled in front of your lips' idk why tbh i just love it

    8 months ago
  • asta

    "bare your neck to a gospel guillotine"
    "you wonder if losing faith in yourself makes you a heretic"--favourite lines!

    8 months ago
  • MarvelousMarshmallow

    Why does religion gotta be so complicated? :/

    8 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Replying: Oh thank you do much for your lovely comment!

    8 months ago
  • mia_:)

    Wow! I agree with chrys! I really have no way to compliment this since it's just so amazing! I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but I'm here for you! *blows kiss* <3

    8 months ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    this was so beautiful! i don't really think i'm justified to compliment any of this, since i only understand it at the surface level. this is probably the first time i've seen a perspective like this on Christianity and it was breathtakingly done!
    the formatting of this is so good? and wow, i have never felt so unqualified to compliment a piece because WOW. this is... so good? so so good. the way you bare yourself on these words—it's just so well done. i can't say anymore in fear of saying something wrong but WOW. this was absolutely amazing. if i could save this to a favorites playlist, i would.
    i hope the next decision you make brings you happiness <3

    8 months ago