when the stars finally align
and i scramble to cherish my true value,
if it'll be too late to retrace my steps
and bring back the fire i extinguished in me
when it was too bright, and i was too blind
to see what i could truly become.
if i can ever learn to forgive myself -
the only self i will ever have
and be my own guide out of the darkness,
no matter how timid my flame may be.
maybe someday i will unearth
the parts of myself i tried to label
and forgive my broken pieces.
no matter the permanence of the damage,
someday i will make a home out of this body
and let my edges fit together so that i can finally see
that i was whole to begin with -
and this i believe.
i used to fantasize about my life just magically falling together; as i've grown older i understand it's more of the work you put in and the circumstances around you. it's definitely easier said than done, and life has certainly tested this belief over the past couple of years. but some small part of me knows that i could definitely be happy with myself someday, just holding out hope until then.