i hold on to quotes for my dear life.
i hope you have a wonderful day <3

Message from Writer

Books I have wrapped my heart around:
°The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger
°The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
°Life of Pi by Yann Martel

sweet sixteen

July 9, 2020


When that second digit appeared on my birthday card, I thought it was over. Ten years old was the end of my childhood and the beginning of no turning back. Growing up being my worst fear, I didn't enjoy entering the 'teenage years', like everyone told me I was about to. I wanted to be a kid forever, which I still was, but didn't realize back then.

Melancholy was the word my aunt used when I cried at blowing out my thirteen candles. That explains everything, I thought. I'm just full of melancholy and that's why I silently soak my pillow with tears at night for no apparent reason. 

At fifteen I decided it was incredibly stupid to have to avert my watery eyes the whole ceremony of me coming down the stairs and being hugged and congratulated by my family. I also decided I shouldn't make a fuzz about my birthday presents ever again, because I didn't need silver wrappings and purple ribbons to have a great day. I realized baking a cake with my friends was double the fun. 

Sixteen would be a milestone in my life. I had several arguments for that. One being my grandma always used to joke about buying a motorcycle for my brother once he would turn sixteen, apparently making me think that's where it's at. Second being the movies. Turning sixteen would unlock immediate access to 'the best years of your life', where you would have boyfriends or girlfriends week after week, where sneaking out at night would be a basic Saturday, where make-up would appear next to your mirror telling you to put some pink on your lips. For me, sixteen would be a whole new life era. You would be all grown up and living the dream, like in every single high school movie I had ever seen.

Here I am, about to blow those very candles on my cake, and not being close to any of those things at all. Luckily, I have realized sixteen wasn't going to be a turning point in my life. I wasn't going to look like the girls in the movies and I wasn't going to dance till my heels cracked every weekend. 

I'm going to be writing till my eyes start to get blurry( but not from crying. although, is crying all that bad? ), I'm going to be reading till I'll be talking like a coming-of-age teen contemplating about the stars at night with my friends ( but not at three a.m. while my parents are worried out of their mind for my safety at such an unholy hour ), I'm going to be laughing till I get cramps in my stomach and I can't feel the muscles of my mouth anymore ( but not from intoxicating myself at a random kid's house party. not that those even happen where I live  ). 

I have accepted that growing up is a part of life and time and that I should stop dwelling on the past and start living in the present. I will be blowing out sixteen candles the whole time I can call that number mine. 
So I decided to watch Sixteen Candles, since that seemed very fitting the evening before my sixteenth birthday. But instead of any normal unrealistic movie where they cast actors in their late twenties for teenage roles, Molly Ringwald (Samantha in the movie) was actually sixteen while filming. That blew my mind a little, to be honest. I guess I really don't look like the girls in the movies. It's okay though, like I said above.  :)
I hope you all have a lovely day <3


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  • July 9, 2020 - 2:20pm (Now Viewing)

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  • chrysanthemums&ink

    ah, that third paragraph really did hit home. i loved seeing you dissect yourself in this piece, written chronologically from all of your 'important' birthdays and how your view on them (or more like life in general) changed every time you got older. i adore this little introspective work you gave us, and like anoushka said: "happy early birthday!!!" <333

    11 months ago
  • kealoha

    Wow, this is amazing. I relate to it deeply! Lovely writing :)

    11 months ago
  • outoftheblue

    "I have accepted that growing up is a part of life and time and that I should stop dwelling on the past and start living in the present. I will be blowing out sixteen candles the whole time I can call that number mine. " UM YES YES YES. as someone who recently turned 15 about a month ago (ahhh you're like a year older than me), this really resonated with me. i love the way you've described coming-of-age, growing up, and all those scary feelings that accompany it, and gradually coming to terms with them.
    happy birthday in advance, dear! i hope you have a great one. <3

    11 months ago