Peer Review by yapyapxy (Singapore)

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By: Gabby Mahabeer

PROMPT: Countdown

When I was younger, my dad told me many things. He said that birds sing when they are happy. He said dogs bark when birds got shot. He told me this while we hunted. We loved hunting together; birds died. Dogs barked, but dad faded. He was accidentally shot. I knew it. Wolves ate. Him.  

Message to Readers

Any feedback is appreciated!

Peer Review

Nostalgic, sombre (because hunting is about the loss of lives, and in this case, also the loss of her father - both sad and serious at the same time.)

I was impressed by the depth of the story, despite it only being focused on hunting, it was also about a father and his child's relationship, and towards the end it felt as if hunting brought them together, but also brought them (physically) apart.

It was the actions of the father, that made me think of mine, how it was the little things he did that the narrator remembered.
The flow felt natural, the way the train of thought started with what the narrator's father used to tell the narrator, before moving on to stories the father used to tell, before their shared activity.

Reviewer Comments

I feel that there's tension in this short story as well, how the father was "accidentally shot" but yet eaten by the wolves - perhaps his death is a mystery? In that case, it makes me want to find out how the narrator "knew".
Besides this review, I also wanted to thank you for leaving me with so many positive reviews! They lifted my spirits and I hope this does too. I loved how this piece focussed on a simple hobby and event, but was able to bring about the sense of loss and of happier days (or how the story may not be as simple as it seems). Nice work! Keep writing :-)