Peer Review by And_The_Stars_Laughed (United States)

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Making Dinner

By: avoiding the big bang


FREE WRITING

Mom cuts tomatoes
So they’re clean and precise, fresh red

Hemispheres wetted in pale ooze and slit
Evenly along the hard white ridges.

I cannot cut a tomato without
Splintering its bones, pressing bluntly

On its flesh so the juice slips out of the 
Pink-stained hollows.

My jittery, awkward cuts are put in
The green bowl with Mom’s perfect cubes

And even after I am patiently taught I wonder
How she does it.


Message to Readers

somewhat inspired by lydia davis’s short stories.
feedback is very very much appreciated. comments & reviews mean the world!


Peer Review

I love the sensory details in this piece, they're so vivid and make me feel as if I'm there with you. The lines "I cannot cut a tomato without / splintering its bones" are phenomenal -- nice job!!! I also admire how you took a "normal" occurrence, per se, something that I struggle with too (I can never seem to cut tomatoes without splattering them either!) and elaborated on it in a way that made it seem so profound. The way I see it, the poem illustrates cutting a tomato as an act of extreme focus, almost a metaphor in a way. I absolutely love how you were able to take this simple event and turn it into that, awesome work!! :)


The sensory details in this piece are so intriguing that the only suggestion that I can think of is one that is a little out-of-the-ordinary. You've titled the piece "Making Dinner," so I would perhaps consider how it might enhance your piece if you described what you are making. This brings up an opportunity to add in even more sensory details and perhaps a recipe, or dish, that is important and personal to you and your family. By adding this into the piece, I feel as though it may add a whole new level to the poem. However, feel free not to omit to this suggestion as your piece is so well done already, I love the formatting as well as the authentic image you've cast in my mind.


Reviewer Comments

Overall, this was a really fun piece to read and review!! Awesome job, I'll be looking out for more of your writing on this site!! If you ever have any questions about Write the World just let me know!! :)