Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Hello, I edited my last version of this piece! Please peer review before June 16! Thank you~
The part "Boba shops are like sacred lounges in the San Gabriel Valley. It is an entire subculture where Asian-Americans hold close to their identities." Should I expand on that? Or where should it be placed in the story?
I love the lighthearted narrative style you've chosen for this piece, keeping it easy to read through and humourous. I also love the descriptive, nostalgic, and deeply personal tone that this piece evokes! As a fellow Chinese writer, I was easily brought into the atmosphere of the dining experience, the vivid images of food and conversations with relatives, the slurping of milk tea that I miss so much, and the deep emotions that come with having to give up some of this culture.
You're able to tackle how important food is as a celebration of Chinese culture, and how much it can hurt to be separated from tradition and the warm experience of family. You also uniquely look at the experiences of growing up as an Asian-American, alongside the joys and struggles of this experience.
I'd like to learn a little bit more about the theme at the end of the story of losing Asian culture and reminiscing about the past. For example, I'd like to know more about the emotions you felt during the moving process, the ways you attempted to adapt to the new dining culture, and the little things you did to connect yourself back to Chinese culture in Gilbert (for example... share pictures of food with your family? attempt to make your own dishes at home?) In recent events, have you been able to keep your culture alive, or have you missed it more? That could add more layers to your experience of loss of culture, and nostalgia for the food of your childhood!
I like the intro, and how it uses short sentence fragments to grab you quickly into the atmosphere of the story! I think it hooks the reader well. If you wanted to add to it, you could add some sort of personal emotional phrase to explain the event. (ex. it was the most amazing part of the month)
This is such a wonderful idea and a well-executed written piece! It truly brought me back to my culture and childhood and introduces many readers to the dining experience of Chinese culture. I can't wait to see where this piece goes! :D
Keep working on this amazing piece! You're a fantastic writer and I'm really excited to see how it turns out :)