Peer Review by inanutshell (Singapore)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


I dipped my paintbrush in a lemony-yellow

By: WinterBerry


FREE WRITING

I dipped my paintbrush in a lemony-yellow.
Confirming that everything would be mellow.

The blankness of the canvas was staring into my empty soul,
I painted it a shimmery-gold. 

I dipped my paintbrush in a lemony-yellow.
To only be overtaken by a melancholic fellow.

My canvas was now a deep-sea blue,
it seemed like a familiar view.

The colour was seeping into my empty soul,
only to fill it with a broken gold.

I frantically searched for the yellow tones,
only to find one of its many fake clones.

I dipped my paintbrush in a lemony-yellow,
Conforming that nothing would ever be mellow.




 

In this poem, I'm just practising using some symbolism.

> I also wanted to try and mix Art, Symbolism and Imagery into one poem and see how it went!

Message to Readers

A review of this poem would be appreciated!


Peer Review

The title! the rhymes! love the use of colours to describe emotions. especially love 'broken gold', very intriguing.


Love the rhyme scheme here, although the rhythm of the poem does feel a bit off, especially in the middle stanzas. certain lines are shorter than the rest and it can interrupt the flow of the poem at times, so I'd suggest evening them out in order to enhance the effects of the rhymes and repetition.


Reviewer Comments

love the subject matter here and the clever use of colours! only thing is that i think this piece can benefit from being longer and more even, but otherwise, you've got a great one here :)