journal.scribbles

United States

she/her
Asian American
INTP-T

if i'm not writing, please force me to. if i'm writing, please yell at me to do my homework. it's the only way i'll ever get anything done.

Message to Readers

Not exactly sure why I published this. Or why I chose that title.

Just a Few Confessions (from some distance)

May 29, 2020

PROMPT: Enumeration

1
1. When the first warnings to wash my hands and stay six feet away from people reached me, I didn't take them seriously. It makes me feel sick to write this, to see the words on my screen, but it's true. The fact that I may have contributed to the spread of the virus haunts me. It sounds dramatic, and I'm sure others feel this way, but maybe if one of us had prevented another one of us from getting the illness, we could have saved one more of us.

2. My worries seem so little now. The crush at school that I obsessed over outfits for? I honestly don't care that I look terrible through Google Meet. The math test I was stressed enough to study for? I did fine on it, but that might have been because it was shortened to four questions. I can't tell sometimes whether I just don't care because my concerns didn't matter in the first place, or if they shrank in comparison to this huge challenge being fought in every corner of our planet.

3. This may be my weirdest confession. I know that it's the most selfish, which is saying something considering the other two. Here I go: the world seems to be reopening, and I'm not happy about it. Not for some super thoughtful reason. I do believe our health is more important than our economy, but I don't think that's why I feel this way. I'm not exactly sure why I'm sad. Maybe it felt nice to have an excuse to not be on top of things. Or maybe I thought that I would learn some important lesson and come out of this stronger than when I went in. I know that it's a terrible thing to say because the virus caused so much loss, but I guess I'm a little disappointed that these times they say will go in history books are coming to a close. There was something, I don't know, romantic and awe-inspiring about the fact that we'll be remembered as surviving this year. 

 

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  • May 29, 2020 - 9:19pm (Now Viewing)

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1 Comment
  • elliem

    Reply: Thank you for your kind comment, I really appreciated it. I hope you're having a good night! :)


    6 months ago