Huba Huba

United States

Writer, poet, musician, wanna-be-botanist.
Sleep deprived.
Call me a monster, I put milk in before the cereal.
I'm probably eating ramen right now or having a mental breakdown.
Imagine having an aesthetic bio
Joined: May 26, 2020

Message from Writer

Please read my work and tell me about your opinions.
I'd love to make some writing friends on this platform, let's help each other!
PHEwwww that sounded cheesy, but I meant it.

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May 28, 2020

Don't get me wrong, I'm not lonely, but I just feel lonely. I have my friends to rant about girl problems with, and the ones who help me feel better when I'm down, but it's simply impossible for someone to understand every little thing about me. I don't understand everything about me either, but sometimes, I just sit in a dark hole by myself. There are some things no one will ever understand about me, and I just need a perfect human being with me who will just listen and comfort me. Sometimes, I need someone who's able to understand absolutely everything I feel at all times, and be there with me at all times, and be able to comfort me at all times, especially when I'm sitting in that dark hole. How would I chat with a friend about how I secretly can't stand the people who dislike me when I've done nothing wrong, that I want to change their thoughts on me, but I've convinced myself that I don't care about what others think about me? How would I chat with a friend about someone who I convinced myself that I didn't like in the past(I actually liked him), but cannot get over my feelings for him? After all, it was my friends who often tell me about how much of a jerk he is, and I avoided giving him any signs of those feelings, although he was quite cordial towards me. How would I express my feelings of jealousy over people who hang out in large groups of friends happily over a pandemic while I sit around in my house? How can I tell people about of my fears of everyone leaving me, if telling them would cause my fear to become reality? How would I tell anyone about these feelings that dig holes into me, making myself feel as if I'm an empty body falling through a dark room? In these moments, I just want to see someone's real, warm smile, and be embraced with a long, warm hug, and hear that person say, "I understand you. I know you're not fine, and you're not alone. I care about you," wholeheartedly. 
Even if this person is a technology-created robot, I just need a shoulder to lean on, and warm arms to embrace me, and some sweet words kindly whispered to me; to lift my feeling of loneliness during these times, and stay with me in my dark pit, and fill my empty self. I don't want to show a real person everything that I feel during my times, I don't want others knowing my confidence-lacking, embarrassing side behind the scenes self; I don't want myself to be this self either, and I often resort to lying to myself. I just want a technology-created person who cares about me like an older brother would, who smiles at me lovingly and beautifully, who embraces me into his warm body, who would whisper me words that fill up my empty self, and would care for my confidence-lacking, embarrassing self, such like an ideal older brother. 

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2 Comments
  • Zen m

    I understand how you feel.


    over 1 year ago
  • amazing grace

    i also love mayo.


    over 1 year ago