Peer Review by chrysanthemums&ink (United States)

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bow to the titans of old

By: sunny.v


FREE WRITING


i.
people still pray to their titans
deities of far-reaching flora and nereids of sweet reefs are exalted
miracles are not taken from gaia, but they are offered as sacrifices to mother earth 
her womb is mount olympus, and the people sing her name in glory
the gods still breathe life in green and blue, kissing their elysium

ii.
people stop praying to their titans
ichor blackens into tar and oil and drips into gulfs, it suffocates the realm
instead of burning sacrifices to gaia, fossil fuels and car exhaust are offered at the altars
the beasts are slaughtered to the point of no return, and even artemis cries out
dryads weep, gaia’s lungs catch in the fire of their new rituals
the gods grow silent, breathing in the chars of tartarus

iii.
people begin to remember the titans of old
when the ash has fallen and there are no beasts left to burn
when temples of acid and togas of plastic cover the ground
the people pray, they beg for forgiveness from mother gaia
idle sacrifices are transformed into palaces for a cleaner olympus
the ash is swept away, cinder by cinder, and obsidian ichor is cleaned
dryads are borne anew, and the animals learn to forgive hubris-covered kings
mortals do their best to repent for the divine, to win back the heart of gaia
the titans do not trust, not yet, not until olympus has been truly returned
but for now, the gods smile over the fields of asphodel

-go Mother Earth! also, greek references, because i’m predictable. cue awkward finger dances?

Message to Readers

this is for a contest so i’ll probably take it down soon after some feedback/criticism. PEER REVIEWS NEEDED PLEASE! <3


Peer Review

I really wasn't expecting the 'chronological' format you wrote this in! The titans too, I really don't read much about them since people tend to focus more on the gods. Actually, this whole piece was a pleasant surprise! Your descriptions of each event and how the people acted each time really brought this whole piece to life!


I feel like sometimes, I didn't completely understand what was going on in certain lines? It might just be my limited knowledge of Greek Mythology but it was a little confusing. I think that sometimes, there was so much jammed into one line that it was hard to process.


Reviewer Comments

Sorry if I sound really nitpicky in this review. It's a bad habit of mine *scratches head*. If you have any questions about anything I mentioned then feel free to message me about it!
Take all I said with a grain of salt because ultimately, it's you that knows what's best for your writing.
Good luck on the contest :). This is really beautiful and will definitely be a contender.
Amazing as always!