Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
SO... here's the first chapter of book that includes the message box quote from my profile. I published it a while ago, but figured I would republish since some of you seem interested.
I love the mystery that the piece draws the reader into, through the lack of a name for the main female character, and the hints about the past that the two characters went through! I also find the development of Adder's character well done; as I was spooked yet intrigued by his manipulative persona and the goals that he wanted to accomplish. I'm looking forward to seeing the next chapters!
I think some of the dialogue in the middle of the story could be a little bit more specific to the characters to deepen their development and the reader's understanding of their relationship. Although I understand that you want to leave suspense for the reader for later chapters with more vague dialogue, I think a few more details about the past relationship between the two characters (ex. what were some of the things the girl did for Adder in her jobs? What was the girl doing when her saviour first rescued her?) could be really helpful in building suspense even more!
An interesting start to an intriguing plot! I'd love to see where this story takes you, and I'm excited to read the following chapters!