chrysanthemums&ink

United States

i want to reinvent myself.

nothing i write could ever compare to your beauty. would you mind staying for awhile anyways?

she/her. younger half of wtw: √!^(.
founded march 12th, 2020

Message to Readers

yes they do get longer. the first line is a quote from my prof.

it's too late. i think i'll wake up and regret this in the morning. oh well, there's no headspace for that now. my eyes hurt from the glare of the screen.

woke up and my eyes still hurt. well what do you know.

five stanzas of frustration

May 26, 2020

FREE WRITING

9

i keep the seven deadly sins well fed at my feet
but i sit on no throne and my walls vibrate with
the pungency of flimsy paper mache. 

i, a starving dog, can be kept well fed on even the most meager scraps.
but lately the quality of food has been increasing, 
    because of my good behavior?
i sure hope, and with this reflection comes two things: 
being simultaneously happy
—that the quality of taste is improving—
and afraid
—that i can no longer be kept fat with bones.

even simple praise raises the water level in my moon room. 
afraid of the day when i can no longer keep up this doggy paddling. 
the tips of my fingers have been calloused for a long time, and my lips are colored pyrite good.  
wish to believe i've reached here with my own strength until that strength is not enough. 
eventually light flickers out, just waiting in agony, 
for the day when the brilliance, 
—patiently waiting to die—
can be observed as 'no longer there' 

every time i touch something, i'm expecting gold but
expectations are a poison everyone takes in the morning. 
wonder when you stopped coming when you could 
and started coming because you should. 
can't tell if the words you say are because i'm good at what i do or because
i'm a good person. 
selfishly, i wish it were the former, and even though it shines through my loud voice, 
my self esteem is only dust and a rib cage. 

being frustrated that i never strike diamond anymore, my quality has 
undeniably been dropping drastically and everything they say sounds like 
plastic to my insecure ears. 
claw desperately at the dirt, i can't take this anymore. 
want to make something brilliant,
want them to cry from the sheer emotion. 
but i sit here at 3am and my fingers are frozen. 
typing and deleting and typing again, the only thing i feel is
frustration. 

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  • May 26, 2020 - 11:16pm (Now Viewing)

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2 Comments
  • ★ white mountains ★

    I felt this. jsyk, you're incredibly talented <3 <3


    about 1 month ago
  • sunny.v

    “ expectations are a poison everyone takes in the morning. ” :( feel better chrys! <3 you’re plenty talented and plenty good at what you do. plenty brilliant! *gentle head pats*


    about 1 month ago