modern-day artemis (REWRITTEN IN 2020) edited

FREE WRITING

the stars fall through her fingers like running water.
i can't help but gaze at the way her lips when they crinkle up in a smile and the curve of her breast as she dances in sync to the wind and the howling behind the threes.
it's as if the moon is projecting herself downwards, animating her as my savior.
the earth so welcoming under my feet and my cheeks burned pink by the bite of the night air,
the stars are falling now.

this is shorter than the other version and honestly didn't take very long to write. unlike my other poems, which take hours, this one took barely ten minutes. i just spewed out the words in a torrential pour and didn't feel the need to change anything. please give peer reviews :)

Peer Review

What about this piece delighted, surprised, or moved you?

This is a very romantic and sweet short poem. You use some beautiful star imagery - which is a personal favourite of mine - and your similes are to die for.

What else would you like to know? Where might the writer deepen an idea or question? Would additional details invite you further into the writing?

I like that the poem is short - it adds to the simplicity of the love he has for her, it reads like a stream-of-consciousness poem and that style fits perfectly.

Reviewer Comments

This has great potential! I noticed a couple of grammar issues but they can be quickly amended - and I may even be wrong, if I am please correct me!
Great work.