chrysanthemums&ink

United States

she/her
INFP-T
Enneagram Type 4w3
Melancholic
A fandom dweller
MOArmy
The younger half of WtW
formerly known as Lethargic_Earthworm

Message to Readers

for hypocritical effect, here's a disclaimer: this 'rant' is aimed at no one in particular. i cannot restate that enough. i'm not trying to criticize any one person or group. this entire piece could be called a generalization because that's how writing works. if you want, yell at me in the comments because that might be therapeutic. i feel like i'm going to lose a lot from this piece and i'm willing to accept that. i'm going down for what i'm standing for (hamilton huehuehue) and i have no shame. i've edited this countless times but now i'm just gonna go for it.

sorry for the serious and almost accusatory disclaimer, i was just really hesitant about posting this and i'm just gonna hype myself up so i don't get destroyed later.

*cringe face intensifies*

was listening to agust d2 and this just came up. i think this piece could be read kinda as a rap? eh, not really but i was reading it in my head as i was reading this as a rap so... the thought counts???

raw and unrevised. i make up a lot of words, right? grammar issues are my thing ok. also, i'm bad at typing and spelling so....

gonna say this: if you're reading this, thank you. i find it really hard to interact in this community besides giving likes so my name isn't really out there and a lot of people don't really read my stuff. thank you for taking time out of your life to read this and hopefully write a comment (i welcome all criticism).

i always have a lot to say in my message box and i feel like i'm missing something hmmm... oh well, here goes nothing.

(is the 'honesty' of this message box throwing you off? get a bad first impression of me? come on too strong? only proves my point and i'm sorry)

honesty tartare: rant

May 22, 2020

FREE WRITING

1

Would you eat honesty tartare if it was offered to you on a gold plate? 

Honesty is a sham, who said honesty makes someone attractive? haha just a sham, a complete sham. let me indulge myself in satire. 'course i don't have much to offer and i'll just keep picking away at my chest until i strike a golden insecurity to feed to other people subtly. maybe i'll slap a product label on it for satirical effect. 

Relatability? nah nah nah seven deadly fairies flutter around me until i've plucked their wings dry and there's nothing? what is this, deniability? no no no just hide yourself behind this manufactured timidity and 'it'll be a-okay' okay okay. 

Applaud those effortless displays of insecurity security because saying what you think is wrong is easier than saying what you know is wrong? you get what i'm saying? you have the courage to say you're selfish and prideful without being self loathing? finally step behind your shield and let the rocks catch in your ribs? or will you hide behind masked insecurity forever? the stones hit my face, the blood pools in my collarbones where i lick it in my sleep. 

Yes yes yes it's hard for me to s p e a k in front of other people so i speak using words and writing instead, still, i feel my writing is louder than my voice yet still is too quiet why? too afraid to step out of my own bubble yet screaming at everyone else to wait for me as they grow taller and i stay the same height as i was in 2014. 

I eat dirt proudly and you stare at me in disgust but at least i'm sure of where i belong. the only way to be respected is to introduce yourself in half truths and wax admiration often, both of which i'm bad at so i guess i'll stay at the bottom forever. no regret just bitter envy, i admit. 

Is there something wrong with being 'alright'? for not lying to yourself at every turn to fuel your own insecurity? self confidence is truly going out of style, a shame, i'd like to see someone who can actually hold their chin up to the crown of their head, simple elegance. feel like everyone's saying the same things, i've become desensitized to their brand of empowerment.

People eat cooked meat more than raw, correct? let's say something honest, slap a disclaimer over it because it might offend some people. tired of disclaimers, tired of popular vote, let's give it up for character flaws, amirite? because i'm a guilty hypocrite, i write this piece right now. 

So of course, fine dining, serve you honest insecurity tartare on a golden plate so that i can finally be heard by the world but no—

No one likes honesty,
they just like insecurity. 

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  • May 22, 2020 - 6:52pm (Now Viewing)

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1 Comment
  • sunny.v

    proud of you for posting this and putting out your thoughts!! well worded, and super, super honest!!


    8 days ago