chrysanthemums&ink

United States

she/her
INFP-T
Enneagram Type 4w3
Melancholic
A fandom dweller
MOArmy
The younger half of WtW
formerly known as Lethargic_Earthworm

Message to Readers

song recommendation:
'Tomorrow' by BTS

'stopped growing in 2014' might've been indirectly influenced by that one line in 'fools' by cavetown? unintentional but gonna tell y'all anyways.

truth—it smells like vanilla but it tastes bitter. this is my truth. today, i feel like this. lemme sleep it off.

i'm stuck in limbo and i'm bad at writing good titles so here ya go

May 22, 2020

FREE WRITING

8

feel like i'm swallowing my throat from inside out 
i tap the edge of this translucent rainbow but it doesn't pop, suspended in reality limbo
sleep on top of my trophy case tonight. 
the days loop, a strange mobius strip and i seem to be developing in reverse
if i could be loved that would be great but every time i open my mouth, it turns from words to noise—
noisy, i cover my ears but keep my eyes pointed for 'escape'
a green monster curls up up around my ankles, skewering my feet to the ground with its soft tail, liquid pools around my ankles and drowns 
think i stopped growing in 2014
constant development is a scam, envy those who keep getting taller, even universe stick its tongue out and keeps expanding, a scam
keep running but i don't go anywhere, all i have is a green monster to keep me fed, curls its vines into my poisoned bloodstream, i'm becoming more of it every day
    even if i shout no one will listen
walking too fast, too fast and even if i manage to stop them for a second, minute, year, decade
they all move on again and again i hate you i hate you
    why am i the only one
stuck in the same place forever? 
    hate you, hate you WHY?!
barely escaping starvation off of one or two persons i can no longer see my own reflection with my useless attempts to get out of this wretched place
i am green monster, envy and insecurity are the same things and i am both, bitterly living without moving on while subsisting on my leftover resentment for those who are taller than i am while being guilty, neverending cycle, this is my miserable 'neverland' 
even if i scream no one will listen, 
    LISTEN!
too busy getting
better and better and better and
taller and taller and taller and i—

i—

    dammit! 

stopped
growing
in
2014
 

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  • May 22, 2020 - 7:02pm (Now Viewing)

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2 Comments
  • sunny.v

    "bitterly living without moving on while subsisting on my leftover resentment" meOW do i love this part! i love this grungy moody tone you have in the piece, it's playlist worthy! amazing!! also titles...LOL ..."stopped growing?"
    (ps hmmph i found a typo in my latest piece but correcting it is a pain bc it deletes all my comments. hmphhhhh)


    9 days ago
  • Tapasya

    Hey, I can relate....
    Maybe you could just keep the title.... I'm not short!! Just cutely tall... Or IDK the one I've suggested is really looong....but yes the title would sooner or later come over to you.... :)


    9 days ago