crow_e

United States

23 neurotic crows in a recycled flesh suit
he/him || 17 || intp-t || lgbtq+
prosaic poet & sci-fantasy fiction writer
community ambassador alum [summer 2020]
published in wtw review issue 2.2
standing in solidarity with those angry

Message to Readers

the enumeration prompt is relevant again so i thought i'd repost this

37 ways you know you're being lied to

July 13, 2020

PROMPT: Enumeration

29


37.  this is the story of the girl who changed your life forever. 

36.  she remembers being friends with you when you two were in second grade. you were afraid of her and avoided her at all costs. she remembers the good times you two hard on the playground. does she remember something you don't?

35.  she makes you go on an "investigation" to see why people don't like her, pretend you two aren't friends anymore to go undercover in a clique, when you are in fifth grade. you cover yourself in her drama because this is what it's like to be friends, to be liked, truly. right? you are ten and naïve and you will do anything for her attention. 

34. you tell her you're a lesbian in seventh grade. she says she's a christian but that she hates the sin, not the sinner. you swear her to secrecy, and she agrees. no one will know. you two become closer amidst it. 

33. there is more drama along the way. she goes through boys like candy. she gossips and you two talk for hours over the phone, about your writing or those boys and it's never really you talking, just her. 

32.  still, you are fast friends. you write together. you trade work. you two develop plots together. you send her photos of characters you create when you finally start to draw. you draw hers too. 

31.  in eighth grade, more questions arise for you, ones you don't disclose. at the same time, her boy problems get more dramatic. you're getting sick of it, but you are afraid to lose one of the only friends you've ever known. you stay out of it when you can.

30.  she tells you a story, about how her grandmother asked her if she was a lesbian because of her snake armband. you do not know why she's telling you this, but you don't know if she's got another meaning to it. 

29.  later, in the same conversation, she says she would invite you to her grandma's lakehouse, but her mom isn't comfortable with you being there, because, you know....you're a lesbian. 

28.  this is the first inconsistency you recognise then. 

27.  because you told her how scared you were that people would hate you, and she assured you, promised you, that she wouldn't tell anyone.

26.  meanwhile, her mother gives no indication that you make anyone uncomfortable.

25.  this makes you suspicious. you remember what your own mother has said:  that this girl is very likely looking for attention and has lied about a lot.

24.  funny thing is, you can't remember her lying to you about anything.

23. right?

22. she starts telling you more extravagant and improbable scenarios. she finds a group at church and she tells you about all the boys there. she finds jesus, though she never pressures you to change your views. 

21. not yet.

20. it is april of your eighth grade year. you come out to her and say you are trans. she repeats that she'll never tell a soul, that she hates the sin not the sinner, that she supports you anyway. you are relieved, yet something still seems off. maybe it's the way that she doesn't recognise the lump in your throat when you speak. it's definitely in the way she speeds on to a new topic about something you can't even remember now. but you don't question it.

19. it is may. or is it june? she invites you to her church. you go - because it's her, and it's a chance to hang out outside of school. you smile and nod your head along with the rest of the youth group. during the sermon, the preacher is full of fire about something. [he's baptist, you expected this but wow.] People wave their hands and raise their arms and cry during church songs. you feel very, very out of your depth. 

18. she's away at a church camp for a week in July. when she comes back, she calls you on facetime and starts talking about boys again. this is normal. 

17. but somehow it segways into you.

16. for the first time, the conversation becomes about you.

15. or is it?

14. because it's about you, sure, because you are wrong and going to hell for the d e c i s i o n s you've made and the devil is t r i c k i n g  y o u  and you need to be what god m a d e  y o u  t o  b e  because he made you a g i r l and thus a g i r l y o u  s h a l l  b e.

13. but she also repeats how much she's trying to save you. 

12. she's trying to save you.

11. and this is where you wonder, was this really about you? was anything really ever about you? was anything you said or did important or was it just her her her her for seven years.

10. you cry yourself to sleep that night.

9. she apologises to you the next morning over facetime. you don't say much. you wonder why you're entertaining her with this. you wonder why you've ever entertained her. 

8. you don't text her for the rest of the summer.

7. she goes to one high school, you go to another. you forget about her, but not what she's done. 

6. two years later, you hear she applied to get into your school - and your writing class - and your heart hits the floor. despite the fact that she obviously didn't get in, you can't stop thinking about what life would be like if she came back into your life since you stamped her out of it.

5. she shows up early that same school year, at an event. someone hugs you from behind and it takes all of your willpower not to react [to punch whoever it is in the chest because you can't stand being hugged like that, especially without warning] because there is only one person that does that and why would she be here.

4. you two talk. for a little while. you are pretend-excited to see her. 

3. but you already know that this conversation means nothing, because

2. she lies to your face and you know it. 

1. and you are tired of being lied to. 
this was longer than i expected, but here it is. 

storytime:  everything above actually happened and i'm still trying to figure it all out while not thinking about it to the point i go into an anxiety spiral. if you can't tell, i'm still angry about all of it, and i'm sorry if my writing comes off as harsh or offensive, but really, i am angry at her and people like her, not you guys.

moral of the story? don't lie to people. and don't be friends with pathological liars.

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  • July 13, 2020 - 10:18am (Now Viewing)

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13 Comments
  • Karma's_Coming

    This is such an amazing spin on the prompt. I love it! Ahhh I can’t stop reading your wooorrrkk.


    3 months ago
  • Dmoral

    "she hates the sin not the sinner"
    this line hit HIT, omg the set up into this line and then what follows it. and how when you first read it it's hopeful but then changes feeling and meaning as you keep reading.

    i can just sense all the pain, heartbreak, and misery in this piece. ack, this is raw truth here and i think that's why it's so emotional. and the setup and way you write it is beautiful, but the actual fact that this happened is heartbreakingly devastating and wrong.

    one time i had a pathological "boyfriend" (sometimes i think he'd never say we dated) and yeah, that was a year i attempt to forget. lots of crying there. and he cheated. but anyway, this is about you. so i cannot say i can relate to every part-or maybe even half- of this piece, however, i can understand. is it too cliche or pointless to say i'm sorry? but i really do mean it and i'm sure you're stronger now. besides, i'm a christian and don't support this, btw--a lot of "religious" people attempt to twist the religion around so its bitter and unaccepting. so yeah, be who you need to be, is what i'm saying i suppose? i don't know but wishing you the best ~

    aLsO you go to a writing school and/or special writing class? 'cause if so, i'm big jealous.


    4 months ago
  • Currently Unavailable

    Wow. I read this again and I still loved it and it still made me cry because I can’t believe that girl! She uses religion as an excuse to make you feel bad about yourself, but nobody should ever make you feel bad about yourself and especially not by using Jesus as a cover-up. You are wonderful and amazing and whatever you choose to do should not make people discriminate or be prejudiced against you. I have a friend that was lesbian at first and then she (he now) became trans like you and even though I am a Christian I would never ever say things like that him. I sincerely hope that you manage to push this girl completely out of your life because she does not deserve you. :)


    5 months ago
  • Currently Unavailable

    Wow. I read this again and I still loved it and it still made me cry because I can’t believe that girl! She uses religion as an excuse to make you feel bad about yourself, but nobody should ever make you feel bad about yourself and especially not by using Jesus as a cover-up. You are wonderful and amazing and whatever you choose to do should not make people discriminate or be prejudiced against you. I have a friend that was lesbian at first and then she (he now) became trans like you and even though I am a Christian I would never ever say things like that him. I sincerely hope that you manage to push this girl completely out of your life because she does not deserve you. :)


    5 months ago
  • joella

    your use of second person adds a layer of depth to this already amazing piece. this might be a rant, but it's heartbreakingly beautiful.


    6 months ago
  • MarvelousMarshmallow

    Toxic relationships, such a tiring thing. I'm sorry this happened to you, and I hope you found some better friends...


    6 months ago
  • Ahsan Nizaam

    It's more like betrayal. It hurts the most. The look in their eyes, their guilt less smile. Yep, been their in a different way. But the real pain is to know that you can't really forget them or get away from them.


    6 months ago
  • Currently Unavailable

    I am so sorry this happened to you. I love Jesus and all, but this girl was totally horrible for doing these things to you! Because of people like her, others don’t think there are genuine Jesus-followers out there. I definitely think that if you are lesbian or trans or anything else, you should be accepted for it. She is totally wrong and I hope you can see that. I am so glad you discovered the truth (there are so many people who don’t) and I hope you are able to recover from this. Best of luck!


    6 months ago
  • jun lei

    i don't know what to say other than--i'm sorry, and i know it will erase nothing that has happened, but i hope that you're okay, and if you're not, that at least you're healing. <3


    6 months ago
  • mia_:)

    Wow! So powerful! I'm sorry this happened to you. I know how it is to be lied to by friends and it sucks! I'm here for you!!! The writing is amazing! I love how you broke it up! Wow! I am breathless!


    6 months ago
  • sunny.v

    it’s funny how i had such a similar experience, so this really, really touched me. in 36, you misspelled “had” as “hard”, and in 18 you capitalize july, but that’s all i can see as for tiny errors. i know this was a rant, but still. so beautifully and heartwrenchingly worded.


    6 months ago
  • poetri

    this is incredible and i have every intention to review it once i finish up doling out competition prizes :)
    fantastic work.


    6 months ago
  • Doodleninja

    wow, the writing is incredible!!! I love how you told this story through enumeration, something about that, numbered events and such, always pleases me XD that was an excellently written rant. good moral as well :)


    6 months ago