Anne Blackwood

United States

16
Christian
Theatre kid
Singer (soprano)
Poet
Twin (fraternal)
Spoonie
Disfusive
Highly Sensitive Person
Living oxymoron
Kindness Krusader: Blueberry cotton candy
XXFJ, Melancholic-Sanguine, ambivert

Joined 1/16/20

Message to Readers

Just a warning, I was only able to add minor edits after all the reviews I got (too sick to do more). I was gonna withdraw, but OpalDove said to link it anyway, so meh.

Chronicles of Inner Strength #SelfHateSelfLove Tiebreaker

May 20, 2020

FREE WRITING

15
    I am the kind of person who is simultaneously terrified of change and chronically dissatisfied with the mundane. I’m a patriot afraid of stepping onto the battlefield at Yorktown, a dreamer who doesn’t take risks.
I yearn for something big to happen to me, so I can have a story worth telling. But I am often too scared to do anything about it.
    I thought something would arrive with pomp and circumstance, loudly proclaiming “Hey! Listen up! I am here to change your life!” Instead, it came gradually, like the smell of cookies that slowly spreads through your house, permeating every inch of the space. Of course, “something” smelled more like burnt toast than chocolate chips.

    It started in late September when my job making slushies at Bishop’s Pumpkin Farm became so completely draining that I would come home unable to do anything but lie on my bed and wish I were able to keep going.
    Actually, I first noticed it in August. My teacher’s pet self had late assignments only two weeks into school. I was simply too distracted to get them in on time.
    Well, I think the beginning was actually sometime in the summer, although I credited my extra fatigue to working too many odd jobs on top of trying to learn American Sign Language through an accelerated course. I was busy.

    I snapped myself out of my internal monologue with a jolt. It didn’t matter when I started to get sick; right now I had a doctor’s appointment to get to, and I still couldn’t find my glasses.
    “Anne! It’s time to leave!” my mom’s voice rang out. I stumbled into the car, slightly blurry-sighted, but also late, if my mom was to be believed.
    I was doubtful that some naturopathic doctor was going to magically rid me of extreme fatigue, brain fog, dizziness, nausea, and lack of appetite, but my mom was hopeful. That, and I was running out of options. I’d seen my family doctor, a nutritionist, an endocrinologist, and even a doctor in the ER, and I was no closer to figuring out what was wrong with me.
    After an hour-long drive of nervous silence through the simple early morning beauty of Greenvale, my mom, dad, and made it through all the rice fields and arrived at Blue Creek Naturopath. I sent up a quick prayer and stepped through the door.

    “Hi. I’m Celeste. It’s nice to meet you.”
    I thought it was interesting that a doctor introduced herself with her first name. That, along with her genuine, friendly smile, and the way she shook my hand as though I were an adult, was all quite refreshing. I took an immediate liking to her. Celeste explained that naturopaths are, in fact, qualified doctors; they just focus on integrating natural healing methods into their patients’ care.
    “I think this may have to do with food sensitivities,” she said after I briefed her on all of my symptoms. “I’ll need to have you take a blood test. We can do that right away.”
    Most people have an aversion to needles, but through this journey, I’d been stabbed with so many that I wasn’t even slightly nervous as she led me into the other room. I noticed that the whole building somehow lacked the typical chemical scent of most doctor’s offices. I guessed it was from the tea that always seemed to be brewing.
    “Your mom’s pretty protective, huh?” Dr. Celeste chuckled.
    “Yeah, she is. So is my dad, just in a less… loud way, if you know what I mean.” She stuck the needle into my arm. “Wow, I barely even felt that!”
    “Only the best for our patients,” she smiled. “All right, let’s go up to the front desk and schedule your next appointment.”
    I zoned out while my parents talked dates and times with Dr. Celeste and listened instead to the peaceful nature sounds coming from behind the couch. I wasn’t convinced that she was right about food sensitivities being the cause of my problems, but at least we had something to hope for.

***

    I lay facedown on my carpeted floor, willing myself to be strong. Forcing my arms to move underneath me, I did a pushup, numb. One. I can do this. Two. I am powerful. Three. I am still here. Four, five, six, seven, eight. My wrists trembled and I nearly didn't make it back up. I am strong. Nine… nine… I am not. I collapsed, too weak to even hold my own weight.
    God, where are you? Not so long ago, I could do forty-five pushups. Now I can’t even make it to ten! I used to be strong!
    I am strong. When you are weak, I show my glory. Rest in my strength.
    What I heard wasn’t exactly an audible message, but I understood all the same. Sweaty and broken in the middle of my room at 11 PM, I was at peace.
Just a warning, I was only able to add minor edits after all the reviews I got (too sick to do more). I was gonna withdraw, but OpalDove said to link it anyway, so whatever.

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  • May 20, 2020 - 6:32pm (Now Viewing)

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17 Comments
  • OpalDove

    This is great! Sorry that I asked you to link it anyway. I just believe that something is better than nothing, and I knew that your something was going to be amazing, and it is! I'm judging them now, the answers should be out in a few hours, maybe even minutes. :) great piece


    7 months ago
  • A Certain Type of Decisive

    "I’m a patriot afraid of stepping onto the battlefield at Yorktown" yeah! A powerful metaphor for a powerful person- and a powerful writer. This piece makes me feel emotions I can't quite articulate; it's amazing the intensity you've created within a relatively short piece- incredible job.


    7 months ago
  • CrazyNinjaKid

    Thanks for the follow!!! I am loving your writing!


    7 months ago
  • sunny.v

    this is beautiful! i hope you’re well now, you’re definitely a super super strong person. FORTY FIVE PUSH UPS? i think that’s what i got to on my fitness gram when i was trying my absolute BEST! man...wonderful read! <3


    7 months ago
  • Writers of the World

    Replying: Anne Blackwood
    No prompt is required! Everything regarding the blog is completely optional! :)


    7 months ago
  • mia_:)

    Replying: it actually looks super secure and for collaborative purposes, so they might be on board? I'll pitch the idea, I guess :P :D


    7 months ago
  • mia_:)

    Replying: That sounds awesome, actually. I'll look into it. If I could get it, maybe we could do some sort of collaborative work together! I love your writing style! <3 :D


    7 months ago
  • Emi

    I love the journey that you take us on in this piece; it is a very honest, personal journey that leaves me impressed with your strength and faith through all of this.


    7 months ago
  • mia_:)

    Glad we can still have conversation fragments in each other's comment sections, though! :) <3<3<3


    7 months ago
  • mia_:)

    Replying: Kinda embarrassing, but I don't have any social media whatsoever (other than this). My mom is very protective and is a therapist, so she knows a lot about the pros and cons of stuff like that, so she only lets me talk to people I directly know (though maybe I can convince her? I'm not sure). Much sad


    7 months ago
  • mia_:)

    Replying: Same, girl! You're like my lifesaver! Every time I doubt myself, you snap me out of it! What would I do without you? *stares into distance, contemplating the undesirable allure of life without Anne Blackwood*


    7 months ago
  • acrosstheuniverse28

    This is so powerful. My favorite part it "When you are weak, I show my glory. Rest in my strength." I believe those words are so true. Stay strong!


    7 months ago
  • Writers of the World

    Virtual Summer Camp is now OPEN!:
    https://bit.ly/3fYdjgx


    7 months ago
  • outoftheblue

    Please tell me 'the battlefield at Yorktown' is a Hamilton reference :)


    7 months ago
  • outoftheblue

    The lines ''I yearn for something big to happen to me, so I can have a story worth telling. But I am often too scared to do anything about it.'' are just so powerful. I really hope you have a better relationship with your body now :)


    7 months ago
  • mia_:)

    *faints*
    ANNE! I LOVE what you've done with this! Even the simple edits you made had such a good pay-off and the whole thing hits so much harder! Wow, I'm so glad you didn't withdraw! I hope you feel better! I'm here if you ever want to talk or just need to vent! <3


    7 months ago
  • happy butterfly

    You're learning sign language? That is sooo cool!


    7 months ago