Just_A_Memory

United States

J.A.M.
Corinne
13
Female
Straight
Member of the Church Of Jesus Christ Of Later Day Saints
Ambitious
Dreamer
Anxiety
Reader

Joined: May 1, 2020

Message to Readers

I have no words... The situation just honestly sucks

Our Friendship Was Toxic

May 20, 2020

FREE WRITING

14
"I just can't, okay! It's impossible. You're so good at everything and I hate you for it. You show off all the time, and you always take the spotlight!"

I just stare at her, a metal ball of anger and anxiety rolling in the pit of my stomach. She was always like this! She was always mad at me for having a life. 

"They're my friends!" she spat, her pale, vein-y face becoming red. "They used to pay attention to me, but ever since you showed up, it's been all about you!" She pulled her blonde hair out of her thin face and into a low ponytail. "It's always, Oh, she's depressed. Oh, she's crying. Oh, she's in pain. Oh, let me go say hi to her. Oh, I got her a present. Oh, this, oh that. I want you gone!"

I blink at her once, balling my hands into fists by my sides. Her eyes were level with mine when I sat and she stood, those grey-green eyes burning with hatred. She only ever acted like this when we weren't with other people. When it was just us. Only one of my friends that knew her really well believed me when I told them about how horrible she was to me. The others kept claiming she was a sweet little thing that just needed protecting from me, which she'd apparently called her big sister in school. 

"The only thing I have going for me anymore is my horrible love life, but you've had that too, haven't you?" she yelled. i clench my teeth, glaring up at her. "I can't stand it! You're name is freaking everywhere! Mine isn't anywhere!" She spits on my face, attempting to be intimidating. I wasn't having it.

I stood so that I was a good foot or two taller than her, my broad frame looming over her. "I'm so sick of your freaking garbage!" I hiss at her, narrowing my eyes. "It's always the same. Creating fake situations just to get attention. Then you get the wrong kind of attention and expect me to fix it." My mind strays back to when she went online to find a boyfriend. She's super young and started suggesting the wrong thing to some guys who were terrible people that could potentially harm her. She came crying to me when things started going downhill. I fixed it and told her to never do it again. Sure enough, she did, never told her parents, and then came to me. "You're going to be brainwashed one day because you just want the attention from them," I snap, standing up straighter. "I'm not babying you anymore. Go crying to someone else."

"I thought you'd understand my situation, Corinne. Why are you being so cruel?"

I gaped at her, wanting to say so many vile things but unable to. "I know your 'situation', Kim! I keep telling you that what your doing is not good for you and yet you do it anyway! If you won't take my advice seriously, I won't give you any."

It was Kim's turn to be astonished. "So the girl who's perfect has claws," she mocked. "This is one of the reasons why I hate you, Corn! You're always willing to help until I actually need it!"

"I told you to stay out of it! I'm not dragging your butt out of a messy situation just because you don't feel like dealing with it!"

"Then can you stop doing so many things?! Don't be in clubs, don't draw, don't write freaking novels, don't sing, don't talk to the popular kids, don't get the person everyone despised fired and be the hero for the students!"

"So you want me to be nothing."

"Yes. That. That word. NOTHING. Just what you're supposed to be."

"I'm done with you!"

"So that's it?"

"Yes, that's it! What did you expect? Me to come running into your selfish and needy little arms because I need attention just like you do? No thank you! I'm perfectly fine ditching you and moving on in high school."

"Whatever!"

I watch Kim storm away, sliding past all the kids in her way. I was out of her clutches. Finally. And then I remembered something. My friends and I were supposed to be playing DnD the next day. I groan internally, picking up my notebooks from my desk. I check my phone, looking for some kind of message. There was none. Thank goodness. I race for my last class of the day, the snake coiling in my chest and rattling it's warning. 

I sit through my next class with anxiety rolling through me. I don't really pay attention, and before I know it, the bell rings and I'm released to my locker to get packed up. My phone starts buzzing with missed messages and I pull it out of my back pocket as I walk to my locker. Every one of my friends were spamming me. I open up the messages. 

You're so selfish, Corinne! That was nasty of you! Why'd you have to be like that?

Kim's done NOTHING to you! Why would you be so mean?

You're not invited to play DnD with us anymore.You can take your foul mouth and leave.


Tears prick my eyes as I put the phone away and open my locker, gather my stuff before slamming it closed. She's told them. She'd told them lies. Just like she always did. It was pointless arguing with them. I'd drawn their DnD characters, payed for dice, created character with them. Played the story. I helped them. I protected them. I gave them my food during lunch when they had none. It wasn't enough. 

I whip out the phone again and text the only person who will listen to me. 

Hey...  -Corinne

Hey... I saw what happened. You okay?

No... not really. I've never felt so alone in my life.. D:>  -Corinne

I'm still here. It was best for you. I've tried working things out between her and I, and she's neutral towards me, but I don't know how I feel about her. Kim's been a nasty attention seeker since second grade.

Thank you. It's okay if you're still friends with her and I, but I don't think she and I will be interacting anymore.  -Corinne

That's fine. Go to your therapy appointment. I'll talk to you after.


I put the phone away as I walk towards my bus. I bound up the steps and plop myself into a seat, tears rolling down my cheeks. The snake in my chest was wrapping tighter and tighter around my heart, getting ready to bite.

As we near my stop, my phone goes off again. I pick it up without thinking and am faced with a message.

This is Kim's mother. My daughter has done nothing wrong. You're a lair and a toxic friend. She's never come crying to you about anything. I'm glad she's getting rid of you. Brat.

I crumple in on myself and I leave the bus, jogging for home. The snake had officially started suffocating me. I felt so attacked. All I did was help her and I got bad things in return. I didn't know how to move on from there. We were going to different high schools next year, luckily, but I'd just lost my friend circle when I got rid of her. 

I get inside, throwing my stuff onto the floor and running upstairs to my room. I shut my door quietly and begin to sob. I thought they were my friends. People I could rely on. And now.... I didn't know who to trust. 

My phone dings. Another message. I almost don't look at it, but I flip over my phone to I can read it. 

I've got you, Corn. I love you, you beautiful, broken thing. Never forget that.
Word count: 1312
Toxic friendships are hard. I've lost so much already, but now I only have two friends I can rely on. The real names were not used here. (Besides mine) My heart is heavy once again. I'd just gotten out of my deep dark hole and now, I've been buried again. I'm digging myself out slowly, but it's going to take a while. I suggest that if things have been toxic between you and a friend, that you try to cut them out. Don't wait two years like I did. 

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  • May 20, 2020 - 12:34am (Now Viewing)

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13 Comments
  • mia_:)

    This was so well written and made me super emotional because I get what you're going through! Toxic friendships suck, but you did the right thing by cutting them out! And I'm so sorry about the comment from her mom. Adults can sometimes be just as nasty and immature as kids. Assuming that this is based on a true story, I'm so sorry and am here if you ever wanna talk! Love ya so much! Those friends clearly don't deserve someone as awesome and sweet as you!!! <3<3<3


    about 22 hours ago
  • Samina

    This is so heartbreaking.I am really very sorry that I am late. I feel like I am a bad friend. You had texted me. I could have given a better reply.
    one advice - toxic friends are like parasites. They suck up everything and till we take action everything is gone. Next time don't let anyone affect your feelings. Life is like that. I am with you, anything you could text me. I am like your elder sister know. Please don't hesitate to approach me.
    I have been through this situation. Time heals deep hurts also.
    I hope you feel better soon. Lots of Love
    Sam


    2 days ago
  • xXlunagirlXx

    You did a great job, my heart broke for you, just letting you know many people have gone through this, you are not alone. I am sorry this happened, the mother should have known there are two sides to every story. And, I know how hard it is to cut off a toxic friend, I still haven't gotten the courage Good luck, and try to read positive things more, it usually helps me.


    2 days ago
  • loveletterstosappho

    hey i know this must hurt like crazy, especially a comment from her mother because a GROWN ADULT treating you that way is disgusting, but it sounds like you know you're in the right and good on you. if your friends don't believe you, they don't deserve you. i'm glad you have at least some kind of support system, though. there will always be brighter days ahead, and i hope things start looking up for you :)


    6 days ago
  • Ahsan Nizaam

    I just love how you brought it out. A bit of advice. Time will heal everything and the tides will turn. Just be who you are. People like her are just too many. If you escape from one, you'll find another.


    6 days ago
  • Madelyn (Carolina Girl)

    This is so good but so sad. I have waited before with toxic friends and it a horrible idea. You are amazing :)


    6 days ago
  • sunny.v

    wow. i’m so, so sorry. that sounds awful, but if it’s any better, i believe you! i hope you’re feeling better, having left behind a toxic relationship. your writing shows how emotional it was for you, and you’re very talented at conveying your words clearly! best wishes to you! <3


    6 days ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    <3 <3 <3


    7 days ago
  • Happy butterfly

    Oh darling,this doesn't suck. It's very well written and portrays the emotions really well.I also relate,so many times I thought my friends really cared about me when they really didn't,,they weren't real friends .I also have a very tiny group of friends that are loyal and true.I know it's hard but stay strong,and if you ever want to talk I'm here<3


    7 days ago
  • CrazyNinjaKid

    Awwwh this is so sad :((

    I get how hard it is with friendships though, I have literally struggled my whole life and isn't any easier :/


    8 days ago
  • CrazyNinjaKid

    Replying: Lol yeah ahah


    8 days ago
  • Julia V

    replying: no problem, you really should!!!! and yeah, I guess it's just life, gotta take the bad with the good. I would so read it if you wrote one! cause from what I read, your work is just *chefs kiss*


    8 days ago
  • Julia V

    This made me so sad because I've been through it and it just flashed back so many memories, I really love how you wrote this, it's really good and honestly, you should write a book or something your writing style is so amazing!!! keep writing! :)


    8 days ago