Peer Review by ect.13 (United Kingdom)

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on listening

By: And_The_Stars_Laughed


FREE WRITING


i. listen  
/ˈlis(ə)n/ 
verb  
"give one's attention to a sound."

ii. flesh draped in curtains behind the tendrils of your hair. do you
hear the wind?
its right             there
sluicing cross brown curls & dancing toward
your eardrums: [stuffed and full like Christmas dinner] don't you see? 
there are vibrating strings bouncing through the world, sound & waves & light
that flourish our existence, tulip petals & daffodils blooming from our skulls;
why don't you hear me?

iii. sometimes i scream crackle-hot coils of burning inferno
but you can't listen under the pitter-patter of rain that sears
through the canyons of your mind. 
 

“There is a voice that doesn't use words. Listen.” —Jalal ad-Din Rumi 

Message to Readers

Feedback is greatly appreciated! :)


Peer Review

I loved the originality of the piece! It's both quite abstract and very close to home - it resounds on a deep level, even as I don't quite know what that level is! You do this really well in all of your writing :)


You could add a bit more detail, maybe some more imagery to it (though what you have got is incredible!). It's not necessary though; this works as it is so well :)


Reviewer Comments

This is great! Like, seriously great writing. Well done!

Sorry if this isn't a great review; I don't have much time but I loved the piece and thought it deserved a review! Keep writing - your work is amazing :)