Peer Review by yapyapxy (Singapore)

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Bound To Be Broken

By: NiRhi

As the morning sun flexed across the chalky land, she was draped in crimson and weighted with gilded steel.

Too soon, she walked the passage beneath the broken shadow of her Gods with dyed skin and burning eyes.
With coarse cloth they bound his leather hand to hers.
I am a daughter of the earth, hardened into brittle clay by the fire of men's desire. 
A bristly kiss and she was his.
His... forever his.

That night, cheap beads clattered to the ground from broken string, and with it fell the innocence of all twelve years of her existence.

Peer Review

What drew me in was how one action seemed to have so much finality.

The subtle allusions and references, especially in the descriptions, were what I thought carefully controlled such that it reveals the story slowly. Details such as "draped in crimson", "gilded steel", "Gods", suggested to me a traditional wedding.

I liked how you revealed her age at the end, incorporating it smoothly into your prose such that it didn't interrupt the flow of storytelling.

I was somewhat unsure about "the broken shadow of her Gods with dyed skin and burning eyes", not sure whether it reflected her emotions (tearing up) or it was due to the morning sun.

I wasn't too sure what the title was referring to - something will be broken, it seemed. I didn't know what was being broken, or will be broken, partially because "broken" referred to two times in your piece, and also because there wasn't an item presented as a whole thing that could be broken.

I feel that your message behind it is pretty solid, so well done! You don't have to take my comments if you don't agree with it.

Reviewer Comments

I loved how you spoke about an important issue (child marriage), and I feel that this piece will definitely impact those who read it. Best of luck in the competition!