birthdaycandles

Ireland

birthdaybaubles #holidayvibes

Just an 18 yr old aspiring to be something like a living, walking (and writing) hug

Things close to my heart:
God, my family + climate change

-Joined Sept 2019, active since March 2020-
prev. AutumnRain

Message to Readers

I know the rhyme scheme for this is a little inconsistent in places and this is a only a first draft. I wanted to write something kind of dreamy, like a child's imagination. I know it still needs a lot of work, but I'd just like opinions, also I'm not sure about the title or how the poem ends, so any suggestions or ideas for either of those are more than welcome! :)

the story of a star and me

May 19, 2020

FREE WRITING

18

Once upon a time, I was on my spaceship in the sky
And I saw a lost star was wandering by
“What’s the matter little guy”
”I’ve lost my home” he began to cry

So I invited him in and wrapped him in a blanket of night
I hugged him close and held him tight
”Everything will be alright”
Sang him a lullaby to calm his fright

Then we sailed along the milky way and
I let all my old records play and
We would dance and sway.
He was my morning, night and day.

Though that fateful moment soon came
We found a constellation and I couldn't blame
Him for feeling a little bit of shame.
He knew he was home when they called out his name.

"Leo!" they shouted with glee.
He gave me a hug and then ran away from me.

When I got home my Mum tucked me into bed.
She laughed and asked "Today what went on in that silly little head, hmm?"

With kiss on the head she turned out the light
And I looked to my friend, hidden in the night.
He twinkled back at me and I waved him goodnight
Closed my eyes, a dream of sheer exhaustion and delight.

 

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15 Comments
  • Rohan’s Defender (Rudolph’s Defender #holidayvibes)

    ADORABLE! I LOVE IT! How’s it feel to be 18? :)


    3 months ago
  • BlueWolf

    Just so vivid and sweet!!! Great job!!!


    3 months ago
  • ElsaRee

    SWEET AND ADORABLE!!!


    5 months ago
  • delete

    Such a sweet poem and the rhymes you use are so clever and correctly-placed, corresponding with the meaning of the previous line. I commend you on having the skill and wit to be able to make this whole poem rhyme, a rhyming poem is one of the hardest poems to do in literature in my opinion. The fact you found four words for each line that all rhymed together in each verse is fantastic work. I will definitely leave a review!


    6 months ago
  • Charisse Marison

    Aw! This is so sweet and I love the rhyme scheme you used! Fantastic work <3


    6 months ago
  • Madelyn (Carolina Girl)

    This is so sweet. I just published more of soulmates and angels. Let me know what you think :)


    6 months ago
  • .amelia.

    This is beautiful and so innocent. I love its simplicity :)
    By the way, thank you so much for that comment. It really mean alot to me :D


    6 months ago
  • Ruthh

    Thank you so much for the comment on my piece! I’m so glad someone got the Tiger Who Came to Tea reference - it jumped into my mind at the last minute and I’d thought it’d make a good title :)
    As for this piece, wOW! It felt like a comforting hug wrapping around me as I read it. I love how whimsical and safe it made me feel; lines like ‘ He was my morning, night and day’ were so magical to read and I loved it so much!


    6 months ago
  • joella

    I think your title and rhyme scheme are perfect!! not to be repetitive but this is so sweet <3


    6 months ago
  • mia_:)

    Aww, so sweet! I can totally see parents reading this poem to their kids before bed! :D


    7 months ago
  • happy butterfly

    This is really sweet


    7 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Awww so sweet


    7 months ago
  • van gogh's girl

    Ooh I love the storyness of this!


    7 months ago
  • sunny.v

    awww, so so adorable! this sounds like a lullaby! great job :D


    7 months ago
  • Julia V

    I love how you used stanza's and rhyme to tell such a beautiful story!!


    7 months ago