Peer Review by The Midnight One (Australia)

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creui

By: joella


FREE WRITING

i harbor a maelstrom behind this glass facade
the doors to this palace of mirrors were
struck with /deadly accuracy 
by the twisted black arrow of my subconsciousness
(it vaporized on impact)
but the fractures have only lengthened since
aquamarine swishes in waves against the window,
ready to come crashing down and send gallons
ready to /drown
(i won't succumb, i can't, i've
learned to breathe underwater)
my truth only spills out at my darkest moments,
no wonder i scare my past self
(she bathed in summer sun, how unlike me)
i want to be seen but not like this
draped in the suffocating cloak of my bad decisions
bare skin back-lit by the dim luminescence, i glow
vulnerable and /naked
i reside alone in this ice palace, 
maze of the looking glass
(just hand me a tiara of cubic zirconia
and call me the ice queen)
some days i wish i could escape to the white mountains
i don't /want to catch glimpses
of this diminished me
reflected on these walls, let the echoes drip down
into my empty cup
(gulp down the cold air, it burns the lungs,
it's sharp, count to three)
don't you want to go swimming 
not if i'll never resurface
/procured an ivory cane to feel the way out
but i ended up using it to beat my demons
in this turbulent sea of doubt 
(how do you think i learned to breathe
underwater?)

creui is latin for maelstrom

Message to Readers

writing this was cathartic :) all feedback really appreciated! #champions

the q&a answers are coming out soon so stay tuned!


Peer Review

This... is absolutely haunting and beautiful. Your writing never ceases to amazing me... This is a masterpiece.


I love how you've used the metaphor of water in this piece, it's lovely and not too overused, well done! I do have one question, why do you scare your past self? How can you deepen that feeling in the writing?


Reviewer Comments

I love the imagery in this piece, oh goodness, incredible.

I don't have much constructive criticism I'm afraid, but I hope the few suggestions I had helped.