joella

Israel

she/her | high school | wasian | enfp

i sip inked tea in someone else's garden

(formerly ★ white mountains ★)

Message to Readers

writing this was cathartic :) all feedback really appreciated! #champions

the q&a answers are coming out soon so stay tuned!

creui

May 14, 2020

FREE WRITING

13
i harbor a maelstrom behind this glass facade
the doors to this palace of mirrors were
struck with /deadly accuracy 
by the twisted black arrow of my subconsciousness
(it vaporized on impact)
but the fractures have only lengthened since
aquamarine swishes in waves against the window,
ready to come crashing down and send gallons
ready to /drown
(i won't succumb, i can't, i've
learned to breathe underwater)
my truth only spills out at my darkest moments,
no wonder i scare my past self
(she bathed in summer sun, how unlike me)
i want to be seen but not like this
draped in the suffocating cloak of my bad decisions
bare skin back-lit by the dim luminescence, i glow
vulnerable and /naked
i reside alone in this ice palace, 
maze of the looking glass
(just hand me a tiara of cubic zirconia
and call me the ice queen)
some days i wish i could escape to the white mountains
i don't /want to catch glimpses
of this diminished me
reflected on these walls, let the echoes drip down
into my empty cup
(gulp down the cold air, it burns the lungs,
it's sharp, count to three)
don't you want to go swimming 
not if i'll never resurface
/procured an ivory cane to feel the way out
but i ended up using it to beat my demons
in this turbulent sea of doubt 
(how do you think i learned to breathe
underwater?)
creui is latin for maelstrom

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12 Comments
  • ElsaRee

    OH. MY. GODS!!!! I am Breathless!


    7 months ago
  • mia_:)

    Holy guacamole! This is amazing! Your diction, your imagery, your formatting! It's all fantabulous (fabulous + fantastic, since one exclamation clearly isn't enough!)


    7 months ago
  • Deleted User

    Hoo boy this is stunning! Why are you so good!? The imagery is amazing and I could go on for ages but I think everyone before said it much better than I ever could. Its so beautiful, man <3 *applauding*


    7 months ago
  • outoftheblue

    Man, I so love this imageryyyyy
    I think the word maelstrom just conjures up Soo many images. Thank you for your sweet comment!


    7 months ago
  • delete

    Poems are a weak point for me but I would just like to say I loved the theme of winter weather like ice and storms to reflect such a vulnerable and troubling feeling the narrator experiences. With the emotion the lines draw out, this would be really effective as a slam poem to be performed. Your prose is so creative and conveys the feeling of a maelstrom for me.


    7 months ago
  • Deleted User

    Thanks WhiteMountains!


    7 months ago
  • Just_A_Memory

    MY COOKIES ARE FALLING OFF THE SHELF!
    This is GORGEOUS! If you don't win the #champion contest..... hhooooooooooo. XD
    All my craziness aside, this piece is a work of art. Beautifully done.


    7 months ago
  • lianhabanana!

    Replying: Yes thanks! I would love a review. :) Thanks so much!


    7 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Replying: Oh, I'm so glad I was able to make you feel a bit better! Now I'm smiling so widely lol. Waving Through a Window is an awesome song from the best musical on the planet, Dear Evan Hansen.


    7 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Also, I read this while listening to Waving Through a Window (if you haven't listened to it you're missing out), and it was a perfect pairing.


    7 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Shut. Up. But actually never do.
    The diction and desperation in this piece are otherworldly! And that's a freaking awesome combination to have freaking mastered. Yes I'm losing my mind, why do you ask?


    7 months ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    "I harbor a maelstrom behind this glass facade" drew me in totally. such an amazing first line.
    "no wonder i scare my past self" might just be my favorite line oh wow.
    "(gulp down the cold air, it burns the lungs / it's sharp, count to three)" i love writing that seems like it's almost addressing the reader but not really.
    "(how do you think i learned to breath / underwater?) such an amazing line. this is amazing. i would write a review but i only write reviews when there are things i want to critique and you've got it all right here.


    7 months ago