Peer Review by Writers of the World (United States)

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Saltwater Teacup #Howdy

By: elliem


FREE WRITING

Little crystal baby blue,
    Darling, you can sparkle too.
        Glisten as they wipe your tears,
            Wipe off your careful veneer.
                Darting through the ocean reeds,
                    Slithering at rapid speeds.
                           A tumbling, bumbling waterfall
                                Could never top your midnight call.
                            Through the sweet honeysuckle night
                        We watch the owls take to flight,
                    Slip through clouds of silver grey
                And never sleep 'till break of day.
            When twinkling dawn comes up again,
        They'll crawl into their cozy dens,
    As roosters stir and robins sing,
And lift their heads from sleepy wings,
    We'll plunge into that icy blue,
        We'll tell the tale of me and you.
            Let the seaweed wrap and slither.
                And along the sand, I felt you thither.
                    Hold me in those arms so tight;
                        Let currents carry us to sea tonight.
                            We'll laugh among the lightning storm
                        Since all we are is safe and warm
                    As long as you're you, and I am me
                We can swim all day with our friend, the sea
            And swim we will, 'till dusk wraps us up
        In its anemone bed, its saltwater teacup
    Though we will meet again the next day
To close our eyes and feel ocean's spray.

This is for @batman_is_a_cracker's competition, #Howdy. I didn't even know what I was writing about while writing this, but I like the flow and I've never really written a poem this way, so hopefully, it is good. Make sure to check the comp out! Thanks ‚Äč@batman_is_a_cracker for the inspiration.

Peer Review

The imagery was beautiful. I loved how it was simplistic but also meaningful, where you were able to remember it even after you finished reading it. The flow and formatting were beautiful. Both interlaced to form this aesthetically pleasing and delightful read. Everything seemed to roll off the tongue effortlessly and look remarkable while doing so. Also, I enjoyed how you personified the ocean a little bit and talked about it as if it were a dear friend. Brilliant work!


The only thing that really stood out to me, was multiple lines started with the same words, so it got kind of repetitive. For example, I felt like "Let" and "We" were used a lot. Besides that, there was nothing really else outside of what I highlighted.


Reviewer Comments

Great work! Keep writing!