Peer Review by løne wølf (United States)

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crease, sculpt, shape #champion #tiebreaker (feedback, please!!! <3)

By: mia_:)


FREE WRITING


(i)
you color me incompatible.
    i am a blank slate, but you write me out of my own dreams, my dreams for the future.
        you say i'm incompetent, incapable, inadequate. i'm just not what you're looking for. 
    i don't look the way i should, talk the way i should, be the way i should.
i don't fit into your ideals. and your idea of me is the only way i should be.

should i rewrite the constellations threaded into my heart, the words etched into my soul, just to please you?

is that right?

(ii)
we all wish for confidence.
    who doesn't want to feel unstoppable, unbeatable, at the top of the world?
        but confidence is perception and your outlook is skewed, your lens fogged up. 
            who do you think you are, to deem yourself worthy of interpreting my motives?
           
if i'm proud, i'm bragging.
    if i encourage, i'm condescending.
if i insult myself, i'm in my place, i'm humble, i'm everything a woman should be.
    i should hate the parts of myself that curl up at the edges, that don't lie flat on your floor plan.
if i love myself, i'm passive-aggressive, intent on making others feel inferior.

but that's how you make me feel.

is that right?

(iii)
you look on, smirking as her nose wrinkles, her forehead forming canyons of worry, and i long to fill them with water, to spare her the pain.
slender palms press against her stomach, fingers melting into slots between her protruding ribs.

ugh, i'm so fat

i look at her, hair covering my conflicted expression

if you're fat, what does that make me?

should i look like that?

is that right?

(iv)
it's not right. and it never should be.

    no one should force you into a mold, your essence spilling over, swirling down the drain.

        you shouldn't need to conform to their standards, whittle away parts of yourself that you secretly love.


all of you is beautiful. 

don't smoothe your folds because someone tells you you're unworthy.
don't let anyone force you into a mold, parts of your essence spilling over, dribbling onto the floor.

you're imperfect, and that's perfect.

your creases are what make you shine in a galaxy of stars.


Message to Readers

Made some changes! PLEASE let me know what you think! Any feedback would literally mean the world to me! Also, still looking for the perfect title!! REVIEWS PLEASE!!!!! <33


Peer Review

This moved me so much. The lines are all so carefully planned, so carefully tailored to reflect the tone. I love the rule of three that you implemented into your work, for example, "unstoppable, unbeatable, at the top of the world".


I personally think the title is perfect. I do think that there is some repetition, though, and I highlighted it in your piece. I don't know if that's what you meant to write, but if it is, I apologize in advance.


Reviewer Comments

THIS IS SUCH A GOOD PIECE! When I read it the first time, I was just absolutely speechless. You're such a good writer, and you're able to convey these ideas so well, all the while drawing readers in with moving language. Thank you for creating this masterpiece :)