Peer Review by Charisse Marison (United States)

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crease, sculpt, shape #champion #tiebreaker (feedback, please!!! <3)

By: mia_:)


FREE WRITING


(i)
you color me incompatible.
    i am a blank slate, but you write me out of my own dreams, my dreams for the future.
        you say i'm incompetent, incapable, inadequate. i'm just not what you're looking for. 
    i don't look the way i should, talk the way i should, be the way i should.
i don't fit into your ideals. and your idea of me is the only way i should be.

should i rewrite the constellations threaded into my heart, the words etched into my soul, just to please you?

is that right?

(ii)
we all wish for confidence.
    who doesn't want to feel unstoppable, unbeatable, at the top of the world?
        but confidence is perception and your outlook is skewed, your lens fogged up. 
            who do you think you are, to deem yourself worthy of interpreting my motives?
           
if i'm proud, i'm bragging.
    if i encourage, i'm condescending.
if i insult myself, i'm in my place, i'm humble, i'm everything a woman should be.
    i should hate the parts of myself that curl up at the edges, that don't lie flat on your floor plan.
if i love myself, i'm passive-aggressive, intent on making others feel inferior.

but that's how you make me feel.

is that right?

(iii)
you look on, smirking as her nose wrinkles, her forehead forming canyons of worry, and i long to fill them with water, to spare her the pain.
slender palms press against her stomach, fingers melting into slots between her protruding ribs.

ugh, i'm so fat

i look at her, hair covering my conflicted expression

if you're fat, what does that make me?

should i look like that?

is that right?

(iv)
it's not right. and it never should be.

    no one should force you into a mold, your essence spilling over, swirling down the drain.

        you shouldn't need to conform to their standards, whittle away parts of yourself that you secretly love.


all of you is beautiful. 

don't smoothe your folds because someone tells you you're unworthy.
don't let anyone force you into a mold, parts of your essence spilling over, dribbling onto the floor.

you're imperfect, and that's perfect.

your creases are what make you shine in a galaxy of stars.


Message to Readers

Made some changes! PLEASE let me know what you think! Any feedback would literally mean the world to me! Also, still looking for the perfect title!! REVIEWS PLEASE!!!!! <33


Peer Review

I was really moved by the whole message! Each of the paragraphs spoke volumes to me, and they were very relatable. I also really loved the words you used that I would have never associated with this topic, such as constellations and stars, and I think the way you work those into the piece is absolutely incredible. All in all, great work!


Most of this piece, you talked about body image, which is cool, but you also might want to delve more into personality. What you said about loving you for you is absolutely gorgeous, and I think adding more about loving your personality, not just your body image, would be a wonderful addition


Reviewer Comments

I'm sorry if I seemed a little harsh! I really love this piece and I am a huge fan of your work. Thank you for writing such an inspirational piece!
All the love,
Charisse <3