Peer Review by Anne Blackwood (United States)

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crease, sculpt, shape #champion #tiebreaker (feedback, please!!! <3)

By: mia_:)


FREE WRITING

(i)
you color me incompatible.
    i am a blank slate, but you write me out of my own dreams, my dreams for the future.
        you say i'm incompetent, incapable, inadequate. i'm just not what you're looking for. 
    i don't look the way i should, talk the way i should, be the way i should.
i don't fit into your ideals. and your idea of me is the only way i should be.

should i rewrite the constellations threaded into my heart, the words etched into my soul, just to please you?

is that right?

(ii)
we all wish for confidence.
    who doesn't want to feel unstoppable, unbeatable, at the top of the world?
        but confidence is perceptive and your outlook is skewed, your lens fogged up.
           
if i'm proud, i'm bragging.
    if i encourage, i'm condescending.
if i insult myself, i'm in my place, i'm humble, i'm everything a woman should be.
    i should hate the parts of myself that curl up at the edges, that don't lie flat on your floor plan.
if i love myself, i'm passive-aggressive, intent on making others feel inferior.

but that's how you make me feel me.

is that right?

(iii)
her nose wrinkles, forehead creasing, and i long to iron it out, to spare her the pain.
slender palms press against her stomach, fingers melting into slots between her protruding ribs.

ugh, i'm so fat

i look at her, hair covering my conflicted expression

if you're fat, what does that make me?

should i look like that?

is that right?

(iv)
it's not right. and it never should be.

    no one should force you into a mold, your essence spilling over, swirling down the drain.

        you shouldn't need to conform to their standards, whittle away parts of yourself that you secretly love.


all of you is beautiful. 

and that's right.
    


Peer Review

This piece is so effective. It takes the reader on a journey and forces them to think about what you said. But instead of feeling dragged into some moody rant, the reader is eased into a story of both experiences and emotions.


I would really like to see some of these sections further expanded. I understand that it's super hard to deliver a piece that "covers all the bases", so to speak, because to you, the writer, everything makes sense. But your reader is not inside your head. Read through your piece again, and try to think of it as if you've never read anything like it, and like you know nothing about its backstory. I want you to discover for yourself where there needs to be more detail.


Reviewer Comments

May the best writer win!