i dont know what i want yet.

an epistle by the absent-minded.

May 5, 2020


Apples are probably my favorite—I don’t know why. it’s the most common fruit, and yet, I find myself lost in the possibilities of what an apple would look like between your lips.

Rue is a pretty word for three letters, it’s meaning even moreso, and yet, rue is the first word I think of when I recall the red of your rimmed eyes.

Ire is what takes Achilles as he mourns for Patroclus, and I—if needed be, I’ll ransack Troy a thousand times over to not see you cry.

Confinement sounds like salvation more than anything in my ears—my salvation has always been you you you—confinement is my sin to bear, my salvation is yours for taking.

Little by little, perhaps I’ll forget you—my dreams are liars with silver in their hearts rather than iron—perhaps, I’ll forget your face again again and again

Loose is my hold on my mind. It wanders through oceans in blued skies, through doors with no entry, and through an oblivion of light.

Everyday, maybe I’ll forget your face, your touch, and your voice. I’ll forget all of that and more, but know this—
what I have felt, what I will feel, I’ll pen them down until my hands shake from overuse, until my eyes blur in an attempt to make me stop—I’ll imprison them on inked pages sewn with everything I’ve ever felt.

The world can take my memories of you—they can tear it apart into thousand little pieces until my mind resembles it—and maybe my heart will be gone by then, but everyday I have forgotten you, remember this—
I have not lived a day where I haven’t relived the warmth your smile, your voice, your everything—brings me.



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  • May 5, 2020 - 11:40pm (Now Viewing)

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  • Anne Blackwood (summer camp hiatus)

    Your work simultaneously inspires me to write and makes me want to throw in the towel because I'll never reach your level

    about 1 year ago
  • BurningMidnightOil

    okay. this is so, so brilliant. the diction and syntax is so phenomenal. the way you wove your thoughts into one coherent and coexisting piece is amazing. Your thought process is interesting, many lines in which i've just read are such abstract ideas that intrigued me and picked at my mind. Truly, i love this piece; it made my heart hurt, my eyes burn. it's package packed to the brim with power-infused styrofoam peanuts (that sounded much better in my head...but it's 2 am so that's my final thought haha).

    about 1 year ago
  • Ree Sethu


    about 1 year ago