Peer Review by kealoha (United States)

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Drowning in guilt

By: happy butterfly


FREE WRITING

Don't come too close,
 my tears are overflowing.
You can't swim
You'll drown in them

The last thing you'll  hear
Will be my pain
The voices echoing in the ocean of my tears
That will torture your heart
Till it stops beating
My sadness will make it's way into your lungs
You won't be able to breathe

If you don't come too close
If you watch me from afar
The waves of my tears won't get to you
You won't hear my pain
You won't see my sadness
You won't drown 
In your own guilt.


Peer Review

I like how the narrator is warning, like 'don't come to close', I think that is a really great way to write this. It really sounds hurt, and it turned out so beautiful.


maybe diving into why the narrator is feeling what he/she is feeling, if you know what I mean


Reviewer Comments

This is a really beautiful poem! I enjoyed reading it all the way through. You're an amazing writer, keep up the good work :)