Peer Review by Quarkoala (United States)

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work together

By: julia.vasyakin


FREE WRITING

If you were the sky
and I was a cloud

if I was a rose
and you were a thorn

if you were a pirate
and I was the sea

if I was a flower 
and you were a bee

if you were a beach towel
and I was the sand

if I was a building
and you were the plan

maybe there's a chance we could still work,
me being the empty
and you being the heart.


Peer Review

I really like the poetic language used in this piece. Also, I like the ending; it is so thought-provoking!


Consider removing all punctuation and changing all letters to lowercase (the word I can be left capital or changed to lowercase). Either that, or add some more capital letters and puctuation.


Reviewer Comments

Tip: in a poem like this, where a large letter at the beginning just seems out of place, you can click the beginning and press enter, making an empty line at the beginning. If you like the large "I", you don't need to do this.

Great poem. You are very talented.