Ahsan Nizaam

Sri Lanka

Male
straight
Gamer
17
Impulsive
Ambitious
Dreamer
A Srilankan Tamil speaking Muslim
(A proud one too)

The Day of the Results

May 22, 2020

FREE WRITING

3
Usually the O/L results get released by the last week of March. This year the last week of March came and went but the results never came. It was slow torture. I had a double mind about it. I wanted the results to come quickly and I wanted to finish this. I didn’t want to give hopes to my parents.
I didn’t work hard for the exam. I just played along. Even on the day of the exam, I didn’t start to study until 9p.m. So, I had no right to worry or get sad if I get a bad result.
And on the other side I didn’t want the results to come at all. I didn’t want mom to cry. I didn’t want her to look at me like I was a looser, but on the inside I was dead and rotting. Fearing and trembling. I didn’t know how jails do to punish the prisoners but this prison after the O/L was much more terrifying.
After O/Ls I decided something. I don’t want to break my mom. Slowly yet steadily I put the thought in my parents’ head that I was not going to be their prized son. That I am not going to take 9As.
Believe it or not they bent on to my side. They started believing that I won’t be getting 9As. And to tell you the truth in our heart of hearts we didn’t believe that I could get a 9A but my parents had a fierce belief until then, it was almost like a religious zeal. But nevertheless I suffered the consequence.
These days I sleep at 6a.m and wake up at 3p.m. I know it’s a damn bloody routine.
Anyways, as I was getting up from my bed the news was on. “Damn what are they up to now?” This maybe was the first thought on my head.
“O/L results which was due to have been released on the 28th of March will be released today.” The same measured voice of the lady news reporter shook my Rivera.
I heard my heart beat. Clearly and steadily. It was increasing slowly, now racing.
“Results. Oh My God! I am so dead.” Luckily I didn’t say this thought out loud.
My sister who was slanting on the ground with more the than ample amount of air from the table fan which we all needed (It was damn hot at 3) was holding the phone. “There is no balance. I can’t check the results mom.” She announced rather too loudly.
I took off to the bathroom not wanting to stay in the family drama any longer.
“Have you said it to him yet?” My mom asked. Not having a single care in the world that the distance between my bathroom and the living room is mere 5 meters and that I could hear every syllable of their conversation.
“NO I haven’t. He will get tensed up again and act like he was going to die in the next minute. Thanks to the last time you pranked on him?”
“I can’t even take a shit in this hose in peace.” I didn’t want to say this out loud.
“I’ll go to the shop and get the MB card. Give me the money mom.” I said as I went in to the living room wearing my T-shirt.
“Buy the card for Rs.200 just in case.” She said giving a knowing smile that meat they might have got a loan.
Then again the same thought struck in my head. The same thought that has been in my head for the past month or so. “I am going to die, just before the results. I wonder it will be by a car or corona. A car I thinks, quick and easy.” I didn’t say a word. Neither a thank you nor the thought.
I went to the shop and asked for two MB cards but he went inside and brought one and a hundred back,
“No stock son. Come back later.”
Then I saw him. He was my grade I knew but we haven’t formally met so I returned to my house knowing
that he came or an MB card. That too to check the results.
I sat on the sofa mom at my side and then I saw him, another him. He was my relative. Already coming to
see my results.
There were so many thoughts on my head. ‘What would be the results,’ ‘What will mother do or worse
dad?’ ‘Why am I not dead yet?’ ‘The ground please swallow me,’ ‘Or an earthquake, Aliens or any hell.’
I didn’t want to be there at that time.
I scratched the card with a coin and entered it to the phone. My hands were shaking like crazy. I switched
on the mobile data. Went to chrome and typed www.doenets.lk That shit didn’t load.
My relative next to me, he started doing something. He was a good man I knew. He was there for me. To
support me. But now he began verbalizing his support ‘Don’t worry.’ ‘Whatever might be the results we
would bear it.’ The last was from my mom. She was expectant, impatient.
‘Brother just be quiet.’ I snapped. I wasn’t angry with him. I was just far more tensed to think about his
feelings.
I clicked the reload button again. I selected ‘Exam results’ and then I saw it. The webpage.
I selected the Examination-O/L. The year-2019. And my index number and then submit. It loaded for a
few seconds but to me it took a lifetime. I was waiting and I was impatient.
I saw my name appear and then I checked the grades and never the name of the subjects.
The results under the first subject was A. I didn’t wait to read the name and even if you ask me now I
can’t tell the name of the first subject. I read the second grade then the third, fourth fifth, sixth and
everything looked like an A. I shouted or in truth screamed at the top of my voice. I turned to see both my
mom and sis in tear and my tear stricken mom hugged me and said ‘Son, you haven’t let me down.’
My dad came just then after bathing perhaps ‘You didn’t lose your honor dad. I just got a 9A’ I blurted
and his face turned pale. There was complete silence. And for the first time I saw him cry. He was
sobbing. ‘Son, you have made me proud.’
Ordinary Level exams are held when we are about 16. The results decide our future school and the stream we are eligible to take. People also see the results as some sort of prestige or honour. Hence, the anxiety and chaos. 

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