Peer Review by chrysanthemums&ink (United States)

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through your seasons

By: sunny.v


FREE WRITING

fall is the start of the new cycle:

it is burning orange skies, it is a warm, vibrant palette,
it is chilling breezes, creeping timidly through woolen threads,
and it is the beginning of promises, the opportunity for something born anew—

and you will feel it: for fall is counting raindrops on your window,
it is a whisper, just near the shell of your ear: 
“we’ll see each other again; when we have time.”
you think of what could be and what might be.

fall is your hushed whispers and your quiet before a storm,
weary silence and peaceful radio static,
it is: “i’m ready for this, i guess.”
you guess, you guess, you wonder when you will stop to breathe.

winter is the thick of it all.

you lose yourself in the cold
for it is dull and muted, yet mockingly biting,
you wonder: what could have been different? why this doesn’t feel right? where did everyone go?

winter turns into a blur, and winter goes by too fast,
and winter is remembrance, mourning, pushing on.

yet spring comes like a breath of fresh air.

it’s soothing old pains and licking open wounds,
you begin drinking in the sun, tilting back your head,
for it is aftermath of a job well done and
it is bundles of sprung daffodils in your arms that you planted prior.

spring is rest, and spring is “see you later,” but you think they mean it this time.

summer is the end of a cycle.

it is wiping away the sweat from your forehead,
and it is hugging friends goodbye but also seeing them again tomorrow,
and you run, run to plant sweet kisses to the air, ignoring the fatigue in your legs,
and oh, child of the sun, look at you now. tear tracks were your roadmaps.

summer is loud, summer is easy, and summer is more than okay.

are seasons overdone in writing? probably, but i fear very little. please spare feedback! i'm just a newbie writer with my worth measured in words. 

Message to Readers

feedback is a banquet and i'm the starved wanderer (please!)


Peer Review

The descriptions lend a very crisp and defined take on the four seasons. I can see it in my head, and it's absolutely beautiful. Another thing is that these emotions expressed here seem to feel almost 'exclusive' to the season at hand, so it makes it sound all the more special.


~Your perspective on each of the seasons is absolutely gorgeous but I wonder if you could weave some other perspectives into your stanzas for each season so that it seems more layered? I'm pretty sure in fall and summer you allude to the school year? If that's true, maybe some notes of that in winter? ~Very VERY minor nitpick: sometimes there are 'extra' conjunctions. For example, the line 'yet spring comes like a breath of fresh air' could've done without the 'yet' at the beginning. Otherwise, your placing of the conjunctions does well for the piece and allows it to flow as smoothly as it does.


Reviewer Comments

It would be the understatement of the year to say I had a NIGHTMARE choosing which piece of yours to review simply because they're all so good! Even on this one, I felt like everything I said was inconsequential and unimportant because you did so much right. Take my words with a grain of salt because all I was doing was taking nitpicks and expanding on them. Your pieces are a major guilty pleasure of mine, keep it up!