Peer Review by Cosmogyral (United States)

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even the sun must darken today #BaringMySoul1 #Champion

By: Anne Blackwood


FREE WRITING

We were beginnings and jumbled up middles;
Two imperfect children orbiting time.
I looked up at the sky and realized I was still looking into your eyes.

pink,
orange,
yellow,
red,
yellow - no - gold.

I believed in magic because that's the only reason
Why two rough edges like ours stayed together.
And we were together.
Not in some spectacular romance,
Because we were made for something more down to earth.

Then I sang and danced among the brilliant hues of the clouds.
Without meaning to,
I tried to drag you up with me.

But you were a creature of something else entirely,
Not water, air, fire, or earth.
You do not belong in the sky with me,
This I realized a lifetime too late.

We have outgrown our beginnings,
The middles were too contented to last.
I understand now that the flight is over.
So I will drink in the sunset you never meant to paint.

pink,
orange,
yellow,
red,
yellow - no - black.


Peer Review

I think the line "Then I sang and danced among the brilliant hues of the clouds" would've been great as "And then I sang and danced among the brilliance" to emphasize the movement of your life, it's wonderful either way.


Beginnings don't have to be edges, it could've been to scraps cut from the same cloth, but different stitches.


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