Peer Review by Starflower (United States)

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The Moon? She Loves You!

By: PouringOutTheSun


FREE WRITING


option 1:

slip down the slate of your roof and laugh out into the night//you’ve got flushed knees and teary eyes//tarnished knuckles and a tangled up chest//this is okay and the moon smiles//headily, you are alive

option 2:

open your window and sing out into the night//you’ve got butterfly skin and warm hands//a glowing heart and hearth fire hair//this is okay and the moon smiles//softly, you are alive.

option 3:

lean over the cliff edge and shout out into the night//you’ve got chapped hands and blue lips//frost-bitten ribs and a voice full of resurrection//this is okay and the moon smiles//irrevocably, you are alive.

for the escapril prompt: moon!

Message to Readers

hi hi hi i’m gonna fuck around and post my favourite poems i wrote during escapril i think ??? that might be fun, so here we go !!


Peer Review

I love your imagery so much! Actually, the imagery in every piece you publish here is superb. There's nothing I can really say to give you feedback on it other than that, because it's already great. Also, I love how you conveyed the feeling of the moon through your words.


I think you could possibly expand it by adding more emotional feeling to the character, and you could also lean into the imagery even more to really help your readers feel the mood of the piece. Why is the character laughing, singing, and shouting? Is there some way you can help readers feel this? However, it's very nice as it is, and maybe it's best to keep it short and sweet. The repetition in it almost gave me a feeling of deja vu, and that's actually a similar feeling to what the moon gives me, so I enjoyed reading it. :)


Reviewer Comments

This review is for the #Q&AContest that you won back in January or February or something... my reviews are shamefully late, but better late than never, right? Anyway, I'll try to get them all to you pretty soon. Your writing is so good that I don't know if I'll be able to give you helpful feedback, but I'll do my best. :)