Peer Review by Writers of the World (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


the water lilies bring us

By: sunny.v


FREE WRITING

we met over the bridge
your face flush with a peony pink,
and though the wood was bright with mellow moss,
your smile made it more alive than anything I’ve seen.
 cherry blossom petals tucked into your hair,
your hands folded neatly in your lap, bashful as the lily pads,
your laughter started in your chest, and in the river of affection,
it rippled over to me.
i pluck a flower from your lips (a kiss!)
my dear, the spring envies how you bloom.
breathing in the sweet scent of budding blossoms,
the water lily pond reflects the bright image of us, hands intertwined like delicate stems, 
as we laugh: over the bridge.

this was inspired by the famous paining “the japanese bridge (the water lily-pond)” by Claude Monet. please check it out if you want to see what i was trying to embody in my writing! feedback is greatly appreciated.

Message to Readers

feedback would be wonderful! (please check out the painting that inspired this!)


Peer Review

This piece is simplistically sweet, heartwarming, and leaves the readers smiling. I love your use of figurative language, from your metaphors to personification, adding to the imagery and descriptions to the piece beautifully.


When editing, perhaps changing the beginning of the few of your lines. Multiple lines start with "your" which was slightly repetitive and distracting, so perhaps just rewording or picking different words for the beginning. If you wanted to expand or add detail anywhere, maybe why you two were on the bridge. You say, "we met over the bridge" perhaps adding detail asking why or how it came to be? A little more background?


Reviewer Comments

Great work! Keep writing!