Peer Review by If_cats_had_glasses (Australia)

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the water lilies bring us

By: sunny.v


FREE WRITING

we met over the bridge
your face flush with a peony pink,
and though the wood was bright with mellow moss,
your smile made it more alive than anything I’ve seen.
 cherry blossom petals tucked into your hair,
your hands folded neatly in your lap, bashful as the lily pads,
your laughter started in your chest, and in the river of affection,
it rippled over to me.
i pluck a flower from your lips (a kiss!)
my dear, the spring envies how you bloom.
breathing in the sweet scent of budding blossoms,
the water lily pond reflects the bright image of us, hands intertwined like delicate stems, 
as we laugh: over the bridge.

this was inspired by the famous paining “the japanese bridge (the water lily-pond)” by Claude Monet. please check it out if you want to see what i was trying to embody in my writing! feedback is greatly appreciated.

Message to Readers

feedback would be wonderful! (please check out the painting that inspired this!)


Peer Review

This is so serene- where I am now, it's quite hot and traffic wiles away distantly, yet upon reading this this hush and cool descends on my heart- that's a really profound effect you have on the reader.


I admire Monet's work too. Did you know Monet had a wife, Camille Doncieux? Second wife, actually. She, like many renaissance and classical couples, was shadowed by her partners opulence. There was kind of a one-sided Romeo-and-Juliet-scenario unfolding: while the bride's parents completely rejoiced at their partnership, Claude's family shunned it. Whether you intended/ knew it or not, an air of unbreaking is hinted between these two lovers, with nature cleverly employed as the device.


Reviewer Comments

Do you know his work The Artist's Garden at Giverny?
It would be awesome if you did a sequel-types poem 'reflection on the water lilies bring us' where the couple visits different locations of his paintings, each poem with a different aspect of their partnership: (this one) love, doubt, pride, etc...
This is incredible. Wow. The appeal to all five senses is breathtaking.

Happy trails,

I_c_h_g