Peer Review by joella (Israel)

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the water lilies bring us

By: sunny.v


FREE WRITING

we met over the bridge
your face flush with a peony pink,
and though the wood was bright with mellow moss,
your smile made it more alive than anything I’ve seen.
 cherry blossom petals tucked into your hair,
your hands folded neatly in your lap, bashful as the lily pads,
your laughter started in your chest, and in the river of affection,
it rippled over to me.
i pluck a flower from your lips (a kiss!)
my dear, the spring envies how you bloom.
breathing in the sweet scent of budding blossoms,
the water lily pond reflects the bright image of us, hands intertwined like delicate stems, 
as we laugh: over the bridge.

this was inspired by the famous paining “the japanese bridge (the water lily-pond)” by Claude Monet. please check it out if you want to see what i was trying to embody in my writing! feedback is greatly appreciated.

Message to Readers

feedback would be wonderful! (please check out the painting that inspired this!)


Peer Review

When I first this piece, I thought it was amazing. Then I read the footnote, Googled the painting, and was completely blown away by your ability to capture and interpret its beauty so eloquently! The way tied everything in, including your metaphors and analogies, made me love it even more.


You begin this poem in past tense and end in present tense. This was probably intentional, but if it wasn't, I'm just pointing that out. I honestly can't think of any way to improve this piece; it flows beautifully and creates such vivid imagery (even without seeing the painting!).


Reviewer Comments

I would love to read more of your writing. Great work!