Peer Review by Writers of the World (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


you are my backbone

By: mia_:)


FREE WRITING

you are my backbone,
a splint that keeps me upright against
the rising tides.
you are my tendons and ligaments,
as everything i do, every move i make
is for you, is in your image.
you are the cartilage between my vertebrae,
for without you i'd rub myself raw, snapping 
my spine in half,
splintering in two.
but you're here, and my spinal cord
shouts with glee, for with you around me,
i truly feel safe.

haha, science class XD

Peer Review

I deeply enjoyed this extended metaphor throughout the piece. Your description of the backbone is so beautifully and thoughtfully written, that one almost believes that the "you" you're referring too, actually is your backbone. However, this piece also has a simplicity factor, because it is short and keeps the lines "to the point" which also adds to how brilliant this is.


If you were to add detail, perhaps just sensory details? I feel as though you could add more on the "feel/touch" sense and apply it to this piece. Like, comparing how it feels or what it makes you feel. If you were to expand, you could add something about how "you've been there since the beginning" since it is your backbone and you've had it since "birth".


Reviewer Comments

Great work! Keep writing! (Sorry this review is so late!)