Peer Review by amazing grace (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?

volume of a sphere

By: Dmoral


i never memorized the volume
of those damned spheres during my geometry
years when we solved word problems regarding those
loser kids buying twenty watermelons to
share with their six people family but could only
hold them in a hundred and eighty (point 2-but round up) pound
water tower that if a tightrope was pulled down the middle
it'd measure twenty nine meters across.
(why didn't people ever make fun of them?)
there's a reason something so useless never stuck
around in my mind; yet, somehow i get yelled
out for never studying this equation the teacher
claims is 
(she'll draw it out and you'll notice her
accent from the country "i've been teaching for 
forty years and nothing can stop me")
i m p o r t a n t.
and by her fourth unneeded syllable 
i'd turn around and whisper to my best friend-
who's not there but back some thousands miles
away in my home town; she says
it's my fault i moved away,
but i wrap those words up and hand them to my father
(every damn day, this pain's 'cause of you)
so math sucks just as much
as missing the place you grew up or perhaps
much worse, since math follows you
to your (god-awful) school and laughs at you
by the sound of a red pen writing the 
letter 'D' on that retake math test you took yesterday during
sixth period while wearing your favorite earrings.
(irony: you're ex-lover name started with that letter)
that's why most night now you sit in your room
alone, thinking needless thing and writing about
tragedies, and just praying that everyone's
remembered in their prime, so when you die people only know
of your childish times, back in that one story
house with three people too many and four 
dollars too short, but with memories galore.

lowercase intentional.
Finished: 4/27/2020

disclaimer: kinda true story
another disclaimer: i love my dad and i don't really blame him (okay kinda a little, but more his job since that's what made us move)
tbh: we didn't get retakes when i was in geometry, so.....i was.....doomed....
tbh ii: this is a blues (ish) story, so yeah. if you liked it, i wrote a prose piece blues (ish) story a while ago. i'll put the link here, just in case you wanna check it out, but really you don't have too: your hug was everything i needed, it was better than the words: 'i love you'
p.s: V=4/3πr^3 (i looked it up, of course)

Message to Readers

small-town blues & big city dreams

Peer Review

This piece is great! It really shows the narrator's anger about how she/he can't get stuff right, and is upset that they moved.

It would love to know why the narrator has trouble with math, and why they don't have any friends at their new school

Reviewer Comments

Wonderful piece. Next time try and have each line start out with a capital letter.