Peer Review by Dani A. Remlap (United States)

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volume of a sphere

By: Dmoral


FREE WRITING


i never memorized the volume
of those damned spheres during my geometry
years when we solved word problems regarding those
loser kids buying twenty watermelons to
share with their six people family but could only
hold them in a hundred and eighty (point 2-but round up) pound
water tower that if a tightrope was pulled down the middle
it'd measure twenty nine meters across.
(why didn't people ever make fun of them?)
there's a reason something so useless never stuck
around in my mind; yet, somehow i get yelled
out for never studying this equation the teacher
claims is 
(she'll draw it out and you'll notice her
accent from the country "i've been teaching for 
forty years and nothing can stop me")
i m p o r t a n t.
and by her fourth unneeded syllable 
i'd turn around and whisper to my best friend-
who's not there but back some thousands miles
away in my home town; she says
it's my fault i moved away,
but i wrap those words up and hand them to my father
(every damn day, this pain's 'cause of you)
so math sucks just as much
as missing the place you grew up or perhaps
much worse, since math follows you
to your (god-awful) school and laughs at you
by the sound of a red pen writing the 
letter 'D' on that retake math test you took yesterday during
sixth period while wearing your favorite earrings.
(irony: you're ex-lover name started with that letter)
that's why most night now you sit in your room
alone, thinking needless thing and writing about
tragedies, and just praying that everyone's
remembered in their prime, so when you die people only know
of your childish times, back in that one story
house with three people too many and four 
dollars too short, but with memories galore.

lowercase intentional.
Finished: 4/27/2020

disclaimer: kinda true story
another disclaimer: i love my dad and i don't really blame him (okay kinda a little, but more his job since that's what made us move)
tbh: we didn't get retakes when i was in geometry, so.....i was.....doomed....
tbh ii: this is a blues (ish) story, so yeah. if you liked it, i wrote a prose piece blues (ish) story a while ago. i'll put the link here, just in case you wanna check it out, but really you don't have too: your hug was everything i needed, it was better than the words: 'i love you'
p.s: V=4/3πr^3 (i looked it up, of course)

Message to Readers

small-town blues & big city dreams


Peer Review

How smoothly and easily this poem went from amusing to painfully realistic to making me smile again. I really enjoyed this poem, the lowercase felt fitting. I definitely admire the easy syntax here, I could all but hear your tone and speech as i read. I really enjoy the rhythm here and how realistic it is. It's not stunted or stumbling. It makes me think of lying on your back on your bedroom floor and rambling to your best friend.


Hmmm. I hesitate to give too much advice here. Poetry is deeply subjective. I really do enjoy how real this is, and maybe a few sensory details would further cement the feeling here? Its a very immersive poem, so anything the ground the reader further would be great!


Reviewer Comments

I really enjoy everything you've written and this poem was definitely one of my favorites on WtW.
You've yet to disappoint and I look forward to seeing more from you